I’ve done it. I migrated over to Blogger. Here is my new link…http://sirtoddyenglish.blogspot.com/

Thanks WordPress.com for being my home for over a year. However, I’m doing this out of convenience. The number of websites that I traffic was getting tedious.

Hope to see everyone on blogger…

haha.

Cheers!

Toddy English.

I am moving! Well, not technically (at least not yet). I am moving this blog, however. I’ve decided to relocate “To My Friends: With Love…Sincerely, Toddy English” to Blogger. I chose to because…

1.) Practically every blog I read is on Blogger. I am getting sick of clicking over just to read all my favorite stuff…Yes, I’m lazy. I lay claim to that.

2.) Blogger has more pretty colors and dynamic design templates. All the templates here are pretty static. I’ve yet to find a blog template that suits my personality…Bleah!

3.) I’m succumbing to peer pressure. I can’t take it anymore. I have to fit in. It’s like being that lone kid in school with an XBOX when everyone else has a Wii.  

The only reason I settled on this blogsphere is because I didn’t know which to choose…so I just did “Engine Dengine Number Nine chuggin down Chicago Line…” The train went off the track and I got my money back at WordPress.com “shrug”.

Don’t worry, this blog is not going anywhere. I’m going to link it to my upgraded version. Anyway, I’ll still be doing my regular content…Just in a different space. I’ll let you know when I finally decide to ante up.

Cheers!

Toddy English.

For the last six weeks I’ve been attending a salsa dance class. I love it! Dancing has enriched my life a great deal. It’s like cardio therapy or something. Whenever I’m having a bad week chile I leave all my cares on the dance floor! In addition my dance instructor, Ricardo, is extremely H-O-T (Don’t tell him but sometimes I intentionally flub my moves just so he will take me by the hands and show me how it’s done. Chile, when Mr. Ricardo twirls me around it’s everything I can do to keep from fainting)!

Anyway…

This week in class was quite interesting to say the least. Mr. Ricardo started us off, as usual, on some dance drills. During this lesson we had some new students in class, particularly this new guy (I’ll just call him Justin Timberfake; because he looks exactly like JT, except his head is shaved) and his mother (Brenda).

Alright, so myself, Ricardo, and Justin Timberfake were the only guys in the class (depending on the week the gender ratio can swing) this weekend. I didn’t mind at all seeing as Mr. Ricardo had on a white T-shirt that hugged him tighter than Aretha Franklin’s arms around a 24 piece bucket of KFC. Needless to say while we were practicing I stayed behind him the entire time.

Anyway…

Me and Justin Timberfake were rotating around the room so that we could be dance partners with the single ladies. Well, after an hour (the class is two hours long), I went to have a seat and some water. That’s when Justin Timberfake approached me, seemingly out of nowhere, and said, “Hey whassup playboi! How you doin!” Then he proceeded to give me some dap. At first I was just going to give him five, but he went into this elaborate hand shake (lol) that confused the hell out of me. Initially I thought, “Oh lordt…Someone is trying to get some street credibility.” So I sat there in mortal dread awaiting a review about the latest 50 cent album ::groan:: However, to my pleasant surprise, the conversation did not go as expected…

Justin proceeded to compliment me on my t-shirt (I was wearing a Super Mario Brothers t-shirt. I’m not a gamer. I just love all the pretty colors). “Yo dude I love that shirt. You a gamer?” 

To which I replied, “Naw, I just love this shirt.”

Then he asks, “So what high school do you go to?”

 ”I’m not in High school. I just graduated from college.”

“Oh, so you legal? That’s whassup then! At first I thought you was some jail bait…” he laughed. Then he paused momentarily. Justin looked at me and asked, “So, you party?”

Insert blank stare here. “Party?”

“Yeah, have you ever been to a house party?” he asked.

Alright, I’ve been to parties before at someone’s house but, for some odd reason, I thought Justin Timberfake was talking about something totally different. “No, I’ve never been to one of those…” I said. I was sorta scared it would be like a crystal meth party or something. Chile, prison stripes is NOT the LOOK.

“Seriously dude?” he said, “See, you need to come with me. We do WHATEVER we want to there. You gotta be 18 to get in though…that’s why I was askin you how old you were.”

“What do ya’ll do in there?” I said.

Justin Timberfake cracked a sly grin and said, “Don’t act brand new playa…”

Chile, my jaw hit the dance floor and bounced! I simultaneously erupted into nervous laughter. “Uhm, do you know your mother is like five feet away from us?” (lol)

Justin Timberfake continued, “So you wanna go?”  He smiled again. Had to admit it. Justin Timberfake was hella cute. plus he had some swag appeal (lol).

“I don’t know…That’s not my kinda thing, y’know?”

To which he responded, “That’s cool. I’m not tryin to make you feel uncomfortable or anything…”

Anyway, I suggested we practice dancing. With that I proceeded to the dance floor. Well, Justin Timberfake followed  me. “Yo, how about you show me your suzie Q.” Suzie Q is the name of a new dance we were practicing in class. The Suzie Q was sorta difficult for me because it takes a ton of fancy foot work. So, while I’m practicing Justin puts his hand on the small of my back and says, “Yeah you got it. See, you can do that for me at the party.”

“You just don’t quit!” I laughed. I will give him points for serious persistence. That was VERY appealing.

“Next week I’ll wear my Halo shirt and we’ll be in here matchin…”

To make a long story short Justin and his moms had to leave a bit early. So, I decided next time I’d get his digits. He’s sooo not boyfriend material, but I don’t gotta be in love to hang out and have fun. Besides, he krute!

Toddy English

Would you date someone that was HIV positive? Have you dated someone that was HIV positive? Are you with someone that is HIV positive?

A few months ago (around my birthday) I made an Adam4Adam account. After being touched by Jesus (literally) I felt compelled to indulge in a random fling or two. Well, after about two dates I gave that up. I’m so not the hooky uppy type.

Well, let’s fast forward to a few months later, some gentlemen hit up my old account a week ago. Anyway, bypassing all the details, this guy turned out to be really fabulous. Granted, I’m just basing it off of appearance. When he opened up his pictures I thought, “Oh my goodness!” He’s really tall, slim, and VERY handsome (in a professional GQ type of way), I’m talking WHIP APPEAL handsome (i.e. “Chile, I got WHIP LASH turnin round to look at that man!”).  He’s older (like in his 40′s) and had a wonderful grasp of the english lexicon (he could actually complete sentences! Something you don’t find a lot on A4A).

So, after talking to him for a minute, I read his profile in depth. The first thing that jumped out at me was his HIV status. Like a neon sign “POSITIVE” just jumped out at me like an exploding supernova. “Oh my god…” I thought. It threw me for a loop that’s for sure.

Granted, I think it’s righteous that he knows his status and is honest about it. However, I admit that dating an HIV positive guy has never been high up on my list of wants, needs, dreams, and desires. Personally, I’m all for people finding true love; however, I don’t think I could be completely free–sexually–with someone HIV positive. I’m not a bigot. That’s just how I feel right now.

Well, he wants to meet me in person oneday. I’m thinking I would like to be his platonic friend.

Toddy English

Rumpalicious!

Dear Friends:

I’m having a huge problem lately. I’m still trying to figure out why so many gay men (well those of the bottom persuasion that is) refer to their rectal orfices (okay @$$holes) by such endearing nicknames like: Boi pussy, kitty cat, boogina, mangina, and etc al? Since when did ass become the new vagina?

Moving right along…

Okay, so whenever my good acquaintance and I delve into raunchy sex conversations (well, it’s mainly him. I am so demure when it comes to frank sex talk in public, lol) he’ll jokingly say, “Gwarl, when is the last time you had yo pussy cat stroked?”  Of course that particular inquiry is always good for a chuckle; however, I’m often left standing with the metaphorical glaring neon question mark floating above  head. It makes no sense why anyone would compare their ass to actual genitalia. Moreover, why would a grown man relate his ass to lady parts?

I guess I’m not very imaginative in this instance. I only call my ass an: ass, booty (my favorite. The word literally means ‘treasure’), bum, rump, golden humps, or rectum (pretty much all of the slang terms that I know for that region of my anatomy). I’ve honestly, even in the heat of passion, never been compelled to say, “Ooh daddy take dat boi pusssssy!” That’s just gives me the all over heebie jeebies. Don’t let me be misunderstood now…I love being talked dirty too (LUV IT); but there is certainly a line I draw in the proverbial sand. You can call me a ‘B’ word if it’s hot like that; but you start saying “give me some pussy” then that is a turn off for real(well just make sure I don’t hear you).  

To me the mere idea makes me feel like I’m totally emasculating myself. I already know that being more “bottomly inclined” comes with a tremendous amount of stigma (even in gay society). However, I take no shame in it. It is how pleasure is derived for me. I simply refuse to compare my body, a man’s body, to that of a woman’s. I think women are beautiful. I’m just not one of them. Which is why I don’t understand the need to nickname your ass with a colorful descriptor generally used to describe the pleasure zones of a woman.

One guy I know refers to his rump as ”booty candy.” Are you kidding me? Booty candy? Uhm, no honey. The last thing that’s coming out of your ass, after you done knocked back those chili nachos, is candy (unless you consider your excrement to be fudge pops or something). In addition I hate, hate, HATE, it when a dude says, “Chile, I saw a man so fine he made me moist!” Can you say EEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWW? Uhm, look, if you’re moist back there–sans working up a sweat–then you need to seek immediate medical attention (or invest in depends undergarments). Sweetie, that is NOT the LOOK.

Furthermore, I could see calling your asshole something akin to a “pussy” or “kitty cat” if no one else, but gay men who assume the bottom position, had an asshole. However, EVERYONE–including women–have assholes. Hell, I think cock roaches have assholes too. That region of your body is not distinctive. So, why steal “pussy” from the ladies? Chile, you ain’t Beyonce. Your asshole is not a Kitty Cat, end of story.

Granted, I’m not up here preaching. If you are convinced your ass is a pussy then do you boo boo. I just don’t get it.

Anyway, I apologize for sounding crass (oh my god I’ve never sworn that much in my life, haha)but this was on my mind(lol).

With L-O-V-E…

Sincerely,

Toddy English.

 Dear Friends:

Add one talentless beauty queen and a dash of anti-gay bigotry and you get the next big “celebrity” sensation (I wonder when talent will, once again, become a prerequisite for being famous?). The Advocate wrote this interesting article about a very disturbing phenomenon…

How’s this for a new formula to achieve infamy in today’s era of instant celebrity? Take one beauty queen, add her personal religious beliefs, and then mix in opposition to same-sex marriage. The result is a combustible media firestorm sure to bring the beauty queen overnight notoriety.

In 2009 decrowned Miss California USA Carrie Prejean used that formula to ride on the unexpected fame triggered by her “opposite marriage” interview answer at the Miss USA pageant. Now, we have “Miss Beverly Hills” Lauren Ashley — who intends to compete for the Miss California USA crown in November — voicing her opposition to same-sex marriage based on her literal reading of the Bible. Lauren Ashley has gotten even more specific than Carrie Prejean; she has quoted the Book of Leviticus’s directive to “put to death” any man who “lies with mankind as he would lie with a woman” to support her belief that the Bible is “pretty black and white” about condemning homosexual relations.

Not surprisingly, Miss Beverly Hills’s publicly-voiced opinion triggered a wave of recent press coverage and backlash against her for a too-literal, naive reading of Scripture. Before this, she was a relatively unknown state pageant contestant-to-be who does not even hail from Beverly Hills. (Lauren is actually from Pasadena, but under the rules of the Miss California USA Pageant was able to claim the mantle of Miss Beverly Hills. The city of Beverly Hills swiftly issued a statement disclaiming any affiliation with her.)

This makes me wonder whether we are seeing the start of a new trend with this fiery formula — beauty queens who cite their religious beliefs to oppose marriage equality in order to gain (or extend) 15 minutes of fame. Perhaps we should give this trend a nifty moniker. How about “Sashes Against Same-Sex Marriage”? “Beauty Queens Against the Queens”? Or “Crowns Opposed to Marriage Equality”? Before you know it, a new organization could emerge with some fierce acronyms.

I have some experience with this phenomenon — and not just because I am a fan of beauty pageants. I was in the audience at the Miss USA 2009 pageant in Las Vegas when Carrie Prejean infamously gave her “no offense” comments opposing gay marriage in response to a question from judge Perez Hilton. Given the murmuring in the audience, I wondered sitting there whether this young woman would leverage her YouTube moment to rise to infamy…

http://www.advocate.com/

Personally, I don’t believe we should give these bitches the attention they so eagerly crave. All they want are their fifteen minutes and a guest spot on Bill O’racist’s show. Had Perez Hilton not made such a fuss over Carrie Prejeans then MAYBE there would be no need for this article? ::sigh::

Toddy English.

This is considered as attractive? Maybe if those vampires on Buffy get you loose then yeah...otherwise? NO.

Every soul breathing knows that Beyonce Giselle Knowles is my favorite diva (along with Aaliyah). However, Alanis Morissette I hold in equal regard for different reasons. Whereas Beyonce is my good time girl (when I just wanna get up and dance) Alanis is my muse.

I was thirteen years old when I was introduced to Ms. Morissette. It was the 1996 MTV video music awards and Alanis had just won for best new artist (at the time I was one of those kids who wouldn’t listen to anything other than current R&B. You all know them…lol). For some reason I just knew I would like her. I loved her energy. At 21 years of age she seemed so worldly, mature, and sophisticated. Then I watched her wail on an accoustic rendition of “Your House.” I’ve been a diehard ever since.

Alanis’ music inspires me so much. She has gotten me through some really dark nights in my life. It’s like whenever I’m going through something, good or bad, I will listen to one of my Alanis Morissette albums for advice. It’s as if I go to her for consultation sometimes. Everything about her is so raw and honest. And don’t even get me started on that voice. If you can listen to an Alanis song and not be moved in someway then you need to check your pulse.

She enjoyed her greatest success with “Jagged Little Pill”; however, she did some of her best work on “Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie,” “Under Rug Swept,” and “Flavors of Entanglement”(her most recent work).

Anyway, here are some of my favorite songs by Ms. Morissette. “You Oughta Know” I intentionally omitted because she’s so much more than that one tragic “I got dumped and you fucked me up” song.

Seriously, if I were straight I’d do her! (lol)

Cheers!

Toddy English.

I’ve got a few things going on in my world that I’m wonderfully excited about…

1.) This morning I got a phone call from a prestigious law firm, in my city, that was interested in my resume. So, they said they have forwarded it to Human Resources and will be getting back to me. I am so jazzed man! This was one of the jobs I actually wanted. I’ve been getting feed back and offers, but from insurance and car sales (vomit). So, yes I’m psyched. I am so serious about having a new career by this summer…

2.) I’ve recently started writing my book and it is coming along swimmingly! Basically, the story is a supernatural/science fiction/horror/thriller set in the hood. I’m loving it because it’s the type of story I’ve always wanted to read (but never got the opportunity to do so). The story centers around two seemingly insignificant junior college students (outcasts if you will) who are chosen to save the world complete and utter annihilation.

Basically, these kids–who are nowhere in their lives–finally found purpose inside of chaos. Their extenuating circumstances and harrowing adventures will serve as the background. Their growth and development as people will be the focal point.

I’m hoping to have it complete by early next year (I’m talking after rewrites and everything).

FYI: I’m not sure if it will be one novel or a series…as I’m really beginning to love these characters. In addition this story will be accompanied by a guide book…written by an angel.

3.) This vegetarian shift is coming along great. Granted, I miss that feeling of full that meat gives you (okay, that could TOTALLY be construed as sexual innuendo) but, according to my online vegetarian community, that is to be expected. For the record I still eat eggs (will not give those up Therefore veganism is not the path for me). But, other than that, I’m feeling really good about this new lifestyle change. I’m noticing the positive changes in my body.

Personality Right Now: Easy, breezy, and hopeful…

Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I’d just stare out my window
Dreamin’ of what could be
And if I’d end up happy
I would pray

Break Away

by Kelly Clarkson

Dear Friends:

My decision has been made. Within the next few months I’m going to strive for a new career (I am not going to give myself any other option other than success). Afterwards, I am casting aside ambivalence and leaving behind the familiar.

This weekend I had an epiphany. Try as I might to belong in my environment the realization set in that this is not where I belong. Driving home from work last Saturday evening I finally tired of driving down the same streets. I’ve grown weary of seeing: the same people; on the same corners; in front of the same houses; with the same bottles of gin; enroute to my house. I am tired of being gleeful and ebullient away from home yet bored and solitary when I’m there. I’ve seen every block and traveled every trail in my old neighborhood. The monotony makes me want to scream. In addition I cannot relate to nor identify with anyone there. Initially, I thought it was the neighborhood that had changed. Now, I’ve come to the conclusion that it is me that has changed (for the better). Everyone else has seen it. Yet, it took me forever to figure it out myself. Now, because of this realization, I am overwhelmed by wanderlust.

Spirit Fingers

This year Iwant to break free and start a new life, a life that is all my own and of my choosing. I finally feel worthy of that. Furthermore, my work is done. I’ve dotted all the ‘i’s’ and crossed every single ‘T.’ There is nothing left for me to do in my current environment. Therefore, it is time for a new one.  So, I have my: car, clothes, matched luggage, savings, college degrees, and–most importantly–myself. I can do this.

True, I am a bit skittish but my determination is beating the living shit out of my fear. No matter where I wind up (as I’ve broadened my career search outside of my home state) I am going to do wonderfully. I’m going to keep saying it (and throwing little Michael Jackson spirit fingers) and make it come true. I’m not giving myself any other option, ever. Granted, I’m not harboring any lofty ambitions about changing the world. All I’ve ever wanted was a safe space just for me. After that I can take it from there.

With Love…

Sincerely,

Toddy English.

I was a straight A student until Antonio Sabato Jr walked into my life. In 7th grade I came down with the flu for a week. During that time I happened to be watching General hospital just as they were introducing a character named Jagger (Antonio Sabato Jr). Chile, that was a wrap for your’s truly! I wanted to watch General Hospital more than Gabourey Sidibe wanted another bucket of Popeye’s chicken wings (BAD)! Antonio was (and still is) BEAUTIFUL. I loved his dark looks (eyes, hair, olive complexion, and devilish smile); his body, and the role he played on the show (the rebel with a heart of gold, lol). Sadly, I had to go back to school.  Back then I hadn’t learned how to set a VCR to record. Soooo, I started feigning sickness every 7th period (life science class) in order to get home in time to watch General Hospital. I skipped class so much that I failed the course and had to register for summer school (a first and only for me)! My mother was heated (she did NOT play with my grades). But it was well worth it honey! (lol)

Don’t believe me? Chile, look at the pics and judge for yourself!