This is a compiled list of my favorite movies, music, and celebrity gossip from the year 2009 (alongside some highlights of the worst as well)…
The movie has only been in wide release for a few weeks. I’ve already seen it four times. I can’t rave ENOUGH about Avatar. Definitely one of my favorite fantasy/sci-fi films of all time (if not one of my FAVORITE films of all time).
2.) Star Trek
I wasn’t a Trekker before I saw this. Now I am. This is a great film that will bring any novice Star Trek fan into the fold. I particularly enjoyed the subplot between the sexy Mr. Spock and the beautiful Uhura! Wonderful movie.
3.) Inglourious Basterds
The Cons: I hate the idea that a movie like this is needed. Why? Because it lessons the impact of the holocaust by portraying Jewish soldiers as blood thirsty vigilantes. Sorry, but the fact of the matter is that fictitional revenge does not make up for 12 million lives lost. The Pros: Quintessential Tarantino…snappy dialogue, great action, tons of blood, and vintage cinematic quality. Huge on entertainment value. Loved it. FYI Brad Pitt was too cute in this! I loved every moment he was on screen (lol)!
4.) Terminator Salvation
Wasn’t the best installment of the franchise but it was still great nevertheless. I was just pissed that it didn’t take place right after Judgement day. I wanted to see what it was like for John Connor to help build the human resistance.
5.) Michael Jackson’s “This Is It.”
“This Is It” proves why Michael Jackson is the greatest entertainer that EVER lived. NOBODY could do it like Mike, NOBODY. Had he lived this was going to be one helluva show. The only high point I can get out of Michael’s tragic death is that we no longer care about his foibles and eccentricities…Now we care about what matters…His body of work and he left us A LOT. Thank you Michael Jackson.
This was the: sweetest, cutest, funniest, and most clever little movie of the year. You couldn’t ask for anything more in a family film! Adorable grumpy old man (check), Cute as a button little cub scout (check), Super adorable talking dog (check), and big girl bird named Kevin (check). This is a must see for the entire family! This is the best CGI film since The Incredibles.
7.) District 9
This was the best science fiction film to be released in awhile. I enjoyed this one immensely. Some people were put off by the stereotypes; however, I loved the parallels that were drawn. It only helped shine on a spotlight on the evil that was apartheid.
The Worst Movies: Transformers 2: Revenge of The Fallen, Tyler Perry’s “I Can Do Bad All By Myself,” “Bruno,” and “Twilight: New Moon.”
The Mediocre: Good Hair, Where The Wild Things Are, Obsessed, The Box, Precious,
Best new up and coming actors/actresses: Zoe Saldana, Sam Worthington, Taylor Lautner (okay, best up and coming beef cake is more like it), and Zachary Quinto.
My Favorite Music
1.) Beyonce –
Beyonce IS the DIVA. There is no one that can touch her right now. She went from lead singer of the ultra popular Destiny’s Child to sparking a pop cultural phenomenon with “Single Ladies.” Have a seat: Janet, Whitney, and Mariah. It’s Beyonce’s time. FYI: if you’re a Beyonce diehard (like I am) please check out the “I Am Your’s” concert DVD. Honey, it won’t dissappoint…particularly when Beyonce WAILS on “Resentment!”
2.) Lady Gaga -
I’m loving me some Lady Gaga too. She’s like walking Avant Garde art. Were Andy Warhol alive he would have created Lady Gaga (lol). Hot dance tunes, onstage faux suicide, and INSANE fashion…what more can you ask for? Oh, also a performer who is completely original and relishes being DIFFERENT. I…Love…Her.
3.) Adam Lambert -
The ONLY reason I watched American Idol last season. So what he didn’t win the show? Neither did Jennifer Hudson. Adam can WAIL. I love his voice, fashion, and the fact that he’s such a flamboyant openly gay performer. His debut album “For Your Entertainment” is really good. Now, I can’t wait for his sophomore follow up! Adam is going to be the next big thing…I for one can’t wait for a tour with him and Lady Gaga on the same marquee.
4.) Alanis Morisette (Flavors of Entanglement) -
I love Alanis Morisette. I’ve loved her ever since 9th grade when she released “Jagged Little Pill.” While none of her subsequent albums (which are all equally great in their own right) have reached the stellar heights of JLP (that album was her Thriller) Alanis is still, bar none, one of the best: singer/songwriters/instrumentalists on the scene. I loved her latest album “Flavors of Entanglement.” Like each of her recordings it reflects where she’s at in every stage of her life. Like I’ve said before…Alanis is my muse. I adore her.
5.) Rihanna -
2009 was a TOUGH year for Rihanna. She suffered the highest highs and lowest lows. Yet, still she managed to bounce back and create Rated R. While it isn’t chock full of club bangers ala Good Girl Gone Bad (Reloaded) this one is much darker and a lot more personal. I feel like I’ve really gotten to know the REAL Rihanna on this one. This is a really great album. Don’t sleep on it!
6.) Katy Perry -
I love Katy Perry! She’s such a fun performer! Everything about her music is satirical and comedic. Then, add to that, her 1920′s pin up girl image and Katy Perry is just made to be loved. She’s one of the few artists (besides Beyonce) that really puts a smile on my face.
7.) Kelly Clarkson -
What is NOT to love about Kelly? First of all Bitch can SANG! I’ve been a fan since the AI days and, next to Fantasia, she is one of the best Idols ever. Her last album “My December” was a departure from the formula of Breakaway. However, if it ain’t broke don’t try and fix it. Kelly went back to her pop rock roots with, “All I ever wanted” and scored another big smash. Again I ask…Who can’t love Kelly? It’s impossible.
8.) Mariah Carey (Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel) -
Yes, Mariah is not what she used to be. But honey she is doing better than Whitney! Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel, regardless of what the critics say, is a really good album! I’ve been listening to it over and over. At this point Mariah has nothing left to prove. This is one of the most prolific pop singers ever. Do you MCC. DO. YOU!
Most Disgraced Celebrities
1.) Chris Brown –
Lord have mercy Baby Jesus, Mary, and Mothafuckin Joseph! Who would have thought that the handsome guy with the dazzling smile (and abs, pecs, and shoulders to die for) would actually be the reincarnation of Ike Turner? Naw, you never can tell who is who in this crazy town. He went from being Mike’s heir apparent to the most loathed man in the music industry (hell, even Walmart won’t stock his latest CD). This isn’t like Tiger Woods knockin down fifteen (and counting) different whores…This is about brutally punching out your girlfriend. Chris, have a seat. Try an extended three year vacation.
2.) Tiger Woods -
See, it’s ALWAYS the quiet ones. I used to think Tiger was a nerd. Now I know he got IT like that, holla! haha. Yes, corporations are turned off; however, he has peaked The Toddster’s curiousity. We shall see how this turns out (more than likely it’ll be cheaper to keep her. But Elin look like she gonna stick him for his paper tho)…Until then could someone please forward Tiger my number and home address? Thanks! I won’t even lie. Tiger can get it seven days a week and three times on Sunday.
3.) Kanye West –
Y’know, yeah it was stupid. However, I totally forgive Kanye West because he was goin off a bottle of Henessy. Alcohol is truth serum. Kanye just vocalized what EVERYONE already knew. No he should not have done that to the girl; however, the reaction towards him has been fuckin retarded (pardon my uncouth language). GET OVER IT PEOPLE! It was the VMA’S! In three years Taylor Swift will be SWIFTLY moving back to Tennessee and waitressing at an I-Hop near you! WHO CARES?! Like it or not Kanye is one of the greatest emcees in hip hop and I would HATE to see him stop recording because of something so STUPID. Lastly, admit it. That was the high point of the show (besides Beyonce doing Single Ladies).
Most Overrated Celebrities and Famewhores
1.) Taylor Swift
She’s blonde. She’s cute. She can sing a little bit. So what makes her so different from 99.99% of the country music industry right now? Can she stand on her head and spit nickels? Yeah, I felt bad for her (it was kinda humiliating. Ye totally blew her spot ALL up…I’m talkin nuclear) but really…Is this country music now? It seems as though this once great art form (I’m a closet country fan. My father weaned me on it) has degenerated into an assembly line of blondes with big tits and even smaller talent. Bring back: Johnny Cash, Weylon Jennings, Patsy Cline, and the rest of the old school. The only reason Taylor Swift has a career is because of Kanye West.
2.) Nadia Sulaman aka Octomom -
She looks like Angelina Jolie…after going on a date with Chris Brown. Somebody please tell me WHY are we feeding this crazy heffa’s insastiable need to be seen? I’m willing to bet she got knocked up JUST for the reality show (that will be airing this year). I’m sure four or five or the kids will grow up to be not quite so fucked up…But the rest of them will end up going on marathon crystal meth binges before writing tell-alls and weeping about their fucked up childhood on Oprah’s heir apparent’s show.
3.) John and Kate -
I am traumatized and these fools aren’t even my parents. You know what? I am going to adopt eighteen babies and raise them. I want a reality show too! I think it would be neat…under the stipulation that I could give them back after the show was over of course. Anyway, Jon will wind up being some washed up bedraggled reality show bum, living in a trailer, and dumping out fecal material into the back yard while simualtaneously drinking a brewski and holding a damn cigarette. Kate really needs to decide what she wants to do with her hair…Does she want to look like Halle Berry or a bull dagger? Make up your mind Kate’s hair. You can’t do two things at once.
4.) Amber Rose-
What did she do besides be Kanye West’s girlfriend? Yeah she’s gorgeous but she has a big alien nation head. I wonder how many blueberries could fit inside of Amber Rose’s head? Serious question…please estimate.
5.) Balloon Boy’s Parents -
Y’know, like the rest of America, I was pissed off. When that balloon hit the ground empty I nearly put my fist through the television screen. They promised us a dead child and they didn’t deliver! False advertising! Isn’t that like grounds for a lawsuit?
In Loving Memory of
1.) Michael Jackson -
There will never be another one like that one, ever.
2.) Farah Fawcett -
The quintessential All American girl.
3.) Patrick Swayze -
Ghost and Dirty Dancing…Enough said.
4.) Brittany Murphy -
She was a living doll.
5.) Whitney Houston’s Voice -
It is dead. Her spoken word “comeback” album proved that.
Celebrity’s asses that I want to kick
1.) Pink (and every other celebrity who acted like Kanye West had committed a felony at the VMA’s) -
I used to like Pink until she tweeted about Kanye being a piece of shit. BITCH he didn’t do ANYTHING to your stupid ass! Stop acting like he took off his prosthetic leg and beat your mama’s ass with it! Get over it! Yes, I admit it…I am ride or die for Ye. Anyway, I’ll forgive Pink…eventually.
2.) Chris Brown -
Rihanna is my girl. I would seriously like to punch him in the face for that. Although Chris could probably totally beat my ass. I would just hit him really hard and start running. I doubt he could catch me. But I must say I thought he was too handsome on the Larry King Interview. Somewhere I’ll always have a soft spot for Chris.
3.) Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag-
The Hills is not even reality television. It is a scripted show and I am tired of these pathetically narcissistic rich kids parading themselves around like they actually matter. I long for the days when you actually needed talent to be famous. Now any horse mouth ho and her equally unappealing doofus boyfriend can wind up being interviewed on a talk show…As if we care that they summer in Aspen. Fuck them!
4.) Ray J (and every other VH1 reality show star) -
His claim to fame is being Brandy’s little brother and banging one of the Kwhoredashian sisters. Anyway, I’m not violent but I just really want to punch him in the face.
5.) Tyra Banks -
The only thing bigger than her ego is her forehead. Tyra just announced that she is ending her show this season (hmmm, I guess because her Idol is quitting in two years Tyra had to one up her)…Oh gosh darn it. Now what are we supposed to do without her sage advice on such prolific topics like: Breasts that ruin people’s lives; Tyra’s blind date in a fat suit; Tyra in a homeless shelter; Tyra in a women’s prison; Tyra going undercover as a stripper; and are you seeing a theme here? I really wish Naomi Campbell would have slapped the shit out of her on the show. I could tell she wanted to.
And that wraps up the year in entertainment in 2009!
Happy New Year!