When you’re in a “committed” relationship with a man, particularly when you’re gay, should you expect absolute monogamy? Is it unrealistic to demand fidelity?
Let’s just be blunt and honest here. Men like sex. No, men LOVE sex! That is just a biological FACT(I don’t care how politically incorrect it is to say it). We are hardwired to “spread our seed” and procreate. Yeah, gay men aren’t gonna be birthin no babies but the basic principle of sex and males still applies. If some guy says he doesn’t like sex then chances are he has psychological or medical hang ups(i.e. erectile dysfunction or issues with being gay in general) regarding it. Or he’s lying. Men love sex just like obese church women love a revival/luncheon.
I can say with 100% certainty that If I’m not having sex I am thinking about sex, in some capacity. When I’m attracted to a man my mind will just go THERE. It isn’t a good thing. It isn’t a bad thing. I just see it as intrinsic to men loving sex, a lot. We, as humans, are sexual beings and should just embrace that aspect of ourselves.
With that point made…
Often times, when certain men go around taggin anything with a tail(not a literal tail…We’re not talking about bestiality here. If that is what you were thinking then you got other issues, mmmmhmmmm), the general consensus is usually, “Oh chile he just being a man!” Or the classic, “He is just sewing his wild oats. Let him get it out of his system” and other comments of that nature.
Now, while I may have sex on the brain ( I’m in my 20′s. It would be abnormal if I didn’t) I refuse to excuse a guy, in a “MONOGAMOUS” relationship, for fucking around on his partner. The “He just bein a man” excuse becomes effectively null and void when it comes down to cheating. For whatever reason, alot of guys use their gender as Carte Blanche to cheat. Some will even go as far as asking for “OPEN” relationships in an effort to play around. Or some dudes are just straight up scallywags (my own word for a promiscuous man whore) and do conniving and duplicitous crap behind their partner’s back…
Case In Point…
A few days ago, on a Sunday afternoon, I went to get a few things from Walmart (off topic for a second. Is Walmart a mating ground for Gay men and lesbians? I swear I see more coupled up Queers in Wally World…I’m thinking of ditchin the clubs and just going to Walmart, forreal!) to buy a few things. I was in the cosmetics department, buying a tube of DOVE cucumber facial rinse (accompanied by exfoliant), when some guy stands beside me, checking out the St. Ives section.
So, I look over and, oh-my-god Becky, I had to keep my jaw from hitting the floor. He was too CUTE! He was light complexioned, about my color, with jet black hair so wavy you could go surfing in it. He had pretty brown eyes, nice features, and very supple pink lips. His earlobes were bedazzled by two diamond studs; He had on a striped green and yellow Polo; some jean shorts; and a pair of sandles that showcased his neatly manicured toes (alright I’m a stickler for details…meh)! And as I gazed upon this “around the way boi” beauty my troop did a salute. At this point I’m thanking the heavens I decided to get dressed up before trekking to Walmart. I quickly averted my gaze which had lingered a little too long.
I giggled to myself. See, whenever I think a guy is super cute I get all giggly and give him big doe eyes. I can’t help it. Its a reflex reaction (teeheehee). I tried to pretend that I wasn’t absolutely enamored. But I failed miserably in my vain effort (he smelled really good too. I think he was wearing Obsession). I just had to take another peek. So I looked over and accidentally caught his eye. I smiled (my gaydar was going off the meter so I felt safe doing so). He smiled back. Baaaby, ole boy had the nerve to have dimples like Mario Lopez! I was too THROUGH, feel me? I tried not to blush and possibly pass out at that point. My joyful heart bounced around like a basketball stuck in my chest. I tried to go back to looking for cosmetics, but to no avail. He now had my undivided attention. Pretty soon he inched another foot towards me. By then we were standing right next to each other. So, by that point I knew he got down with the get down. And I was going to happily let him get down with me!
He looked over in my hands and said…
“I need to start using Dove so I can get my skin pretty like your’s.” It was a line. But it was smooth, I must say! So I smiled and returned the compliment. At this point I was ready and willing to be his nasty little ho. But, I managed to compose myself.
With that he hurriedly took out his cellphone and asked me for my number. Nothing peculiar about that except for the fact he was constantly looking over his shoulder, like somebody was going to sneak up on him. He told me he was late and had to be somewhere. I just shrugged my shoulders and took my phone out. No biggie right?
So, I’m about to implement his digits into my cheap little prepaid phone when, out of the blue,
“Dre!” A shrill and piercing voice called out.
The voice was accompanied by a very nice looking dark skinned fellow with cornrows going down his back. And Friends if looks could have killed I swear I would have died a whole bunch of times. So I knew EXACTLY who this was!
Meanwhile, my cosmetics corner cutie was grimacing and quaking with moderate terror. He looked like a kid that just got caught stealing some candy from a convenience store. He was cold BUSTED!
“Dre, I found everything! I’m ready to check out!” The other guy furthered, sounding EXTREMELY annoyed. He had a little basket full of food. So I automatically presumed they lived together. And from the way ole boy was throwin shade I knew they weren’t just college roomies.
“Boyfriend right?” I asked, not hiding any inkling of sarcasm. “Dre” didn’t say a goddamn thing except shrug his shoulders. So I just said “Yeah, whatever, take it easy” and went back to my shopping. The two “lovebirds” walked off and I heard the cute dark skinned guy read Dre the riot act. Dre started defending himself by lying and saying he knew me in Highschool.
Anyway friends, I try to always be positive, but that incident almost effectively crucified my hopes of EVER having total monogamy with another gay man. I mean I literally went home feeling lousy. I got over it fifteen minutes later, but it still pissed me off.
Granted, I didn’t know the type of relationship Dre and his boo had. But, the fact of the matter is this, his man was pissed that Dre was talking to me. I didn’t know Dre from Adam. Furthermore Dre lied and said he knew me already. So I could only draw the conclusion that “Dre” was a dog chasin some tail, case closed end of discussion.
But the fact of whether or not Dre is a dog is irrelevant. My thoughts were on his boo. The look on his face was that he was EXPECTING Dre to play him while his back was turned. That was really disheartening. To me that says you would rather be with a loser, just to say you have someone, instead of being alone and happy.
I’ve been cheated on before. But the moment I realized he was playin me like a Wii I left the relationship, ASAP. But now I am wonder should this be expected in gay relationships?
Personally, I don’t think none of the trifling “Dre’s” of the world deserve one(a faithful partner). If I can remain faithful in a relationship then so can he. But lately I’m realizing that so many of our gay brothers will put up with cheating.
How do you feel about this friends? Is monogamy too much to ask for?
Let me know!