Have you ever dated someone with a peculiar sexual fetish? I’m not necessarily referring to extreme gross out kink (e.g. water sports, scat, snowballing, and etc al) either. I’m speaking on fetishes that are seemingly inoffensive but sorta make the little hairs on the back of your fingers stand up. Some people come into a relationship with a little sexual kit n kaboodle that you’ll find either adorable or benignly perverted. I had one such experience and it started a little something like this…
Two years ago I briefly dated a guy named Adam. I met Adam at a Starbucks coffee-house. He bumped into me and sent my books crashing to the floor. Adam helped me pick up my stuff and the conversation proceeded from there. We vibed instantly. Adam was really cute (in a big loveable kind of way), hella funny, and employed. So, since he fit all the criteria for a date it was a go.
Well, we went out a few times and started phone boning (phone sex) and making out (not going all the way though). On the third date we discussed having full on sexual intercourse and what we liked. Alright, so we’re lounging in the McDonald’s parking lot (yes, we did have a Golden Arches date) and Adam pulls out his wallet. He started showing me pictures of all these teddy bears. The photos of the Teddy Bears were really cute. I just found it bizarre that all of his wallet photos were of teddy bears. One of them was of him sitting on his bed surrounded by Teddy bears. Adam also had a picture of a really big bear (life-sized) that he named Robbie.
I thought nothing about it, initially. It seemed innocent enough. “Oh he collects Teddy Bears. How sweet.” I thought. It really did make him more adorable…
That was until he told me what he liked to do with those damn bears.
Adam, in a low voice (half jokingly), said he got aroused having oral and anal copulation with ‘Robbie’ (tell me HOW he accomplished that I don’t know. I still don’t think I WANT to know). He further elaborated that he had been in actual threesomes with Robby. My next thought was, “How can you be in a ménage à trois with an inanimate object?” I laughed. At first I thought he was playing. But as he continued his expression never changed. Adam was being for real. Hell, the way he discussed it he LOOKED like he was getting turned on. By that time I had been rendered completely mute. It was so weird. I didn’t know whether to laugh or be confused. I just sat there and acted like I heard that kind of thing everyday.
Honestly, it would have been easier had he just told me he liked urine and feces. I would have said, “Alright, up out my face boi” and BROKE. But how do you react to something so sweet and cute like a Teddy Bear? The ambiguity in this peculiar predicament was a bitch. So I just asked him, “Are you for real?”
After we left McDonald’s he was excited about the prospects of: me, him, and Robbie gettin down together. I won’t even lie. I did entertain the idea; however, that was just way too out there for your’s truly. The closest I ever got to that was humping my bed when I was twelve. In addition, I asked Adam had he ever had sex without a bear around. He answered honestly and said no. That kind of freaked me out. It left me with the notion that he would much rather have it off with stuffed animals than humans. Needless to say me and Adam kinda fell off after that. He was a really cool and likeable dude too. But my big fear was that Robbie may have been quite unsanitary (with all the MANnaise in him) and that Adam had some form of arrested development.
Now, I kind of wonder whether or not Robbie was around when we had phone sex? ::shudder::
Anyway, I was just thinking about this today; but I have dated some HELLA kooky cats in the past!