Little Toddy English and Mama English (circa 1992)...When I was a little Lad.
Dear Friends:
Viktor (Wonderman) did this really neat post (about being a black gay man) over on his blog. So, I decided to piggyback on it. This post will be my little thoughts on what it means to be African American and Gay in America.
1.) I really love being a black gay man. Black culture is really colorful and vibrant. Gay culture is really colorful and vibrant. I feel like that’s why I have so much creativity in my soul. I love and embrace all of that…
2.) This is an extension of the first. I am not BLACK first and GAY second. Whenever someone says that I think it’s a whole lot of bull caca. First and foremost I am Toddy English. That is WHO I am. Everything else goes together to form what Toddy English is (e.g. blackness, gayness, geekiness and etc al). I know that the first thing people notice is outward appearance; however, I’m not the kind of gay that gives off hyper hetero vibes.
3.) It’s disgusting the way the Christian religion is so intrinsic to the black community. It’s an almost cult like mentality. The ignorance and lack of knowledge about anything outside of the bible sickens me too (although most christians never read the bible).
4.) The hypocrisy of my community disgusts me. We were held down and oppressed for hundreds of years because, “Slavery was ordained by Gawd!” Now we: berate, humiliate, castigate, and tell confused teenagers that they are reprobate simply because Little Kenny wants to date Cameron instead of Kate.
Also the hypocrisy in terms of how they pick and choose what sins to abide by. Lust, gluttony (them sistahs in church know how to put away some food), greed, and mixed fabrics are okay. Hell, even having nine or ten out of wedlock children by six different baby daddies is apropos. But a straight A student who volunteers at a homeless shelter is destined for hell because they’re gay or lesbian.
5.) I’m Agnostic (maybe Atheist) because of healthy skepticism (sometimes I don’t even care) not because I’m bitter and angry at the black church.
6.) I don’t like the way I’m judged by black straights and GAYS simply because I’m not a Christian. I respect everyone’s beliefs so respect my ambivalence about religion instead of consigning my damned soul to an everlasting hell that you can’t even prove exists .
7.) I don’t like Christianity because of the: homophobia, xenophobia, racism, sexism, incest, and extreme acts of murder and genocide incited by Yahweh. Jesus was a righteous dude though…I think Christians should ditch the old Testament teachings altogether and just be into Jesus.
8.) I find nothing erotic nor appealing about the D.L. It is destructive to the cause of affirming and embracing LGBT’s. But I understand it. However, that is not an excuse. Tons of guys, myself included, are out. I don’t have to shout it to the world…But I refuse to hide what I am.
9.) This is an extension of number eight…I hate the archetype of the “UBER THUG.” This hypermasculine image complete with: ignorance, stupidity, and criminality. Both the mainstream gay community and the hetero community love a black man as long as he look and act like he just got out the clink (and can swing dick). If you are a black OPENLY GAY man who is: smart, college educated, ambitious, well dressed, clean cut, cute as a button, talented, and really sweet you gotta get to the back of the line. FUCK THAT…The last guy is top of the line.
10.) I chose to blog because I WISH there had been more black gay blogs when I was a teen just coming out to himself. I tell my stories because there will be someone that can relate and feel not so alone.
11.) I want the black community to get out of the pews and into the schools. I love learning. Knowledge is power. You can change your life with an education. Plus, it boosts your self esteem and self worth. I’m sick of US thinking that: basketball, football, and entertainment are our only means to an end.
12.) I am sick and tired of us being so accepting of domestic violence and child abuse. NO black people…When a husband beats his wife unconscious she did NOTHING to provoke it. No, WHIPPING children is NOT acceptable. It is a vestige of slavery that we are still using three hundred years later. Children are people and you oughta take the time to figure out why they act bad. Chances are it’s YOU!
13.) I hate when black women blame me for a shortage of black men. Look, I wish I could have all the fine black men in the world. However, that is not the reality. The reality is if your man wants me he never liked you in the first place. Get a man that is sexually excited by woman.
You’re too cute! Excellent post!! As a Humanist, I totally understand your journey. Some folks call me the anti-christ simply because I question that which they dare not. Always continue to be a critical thinker.
Comment by b. — November 16, 2009 @ 3:12 am |
Toddy, I lust love that picture of you and your Mom! I’m sure you know where I stand on what you wrote as I’m vocal on another board you frequent! You are spot on with you assessment of many things here! I have REFUSED to let anything or anyone related to the black church or any other church for that matter dictate my life. The sad thing is that others let it color their lives and then act like fools with their hate, and, all the while, in their own sick way accepting of the glbt community in the black areas as we all know the children are out and about in any black neighborhood in this country. To let them ruin your day or life is silly to me, I refuse to give into their hate, just as I refuse to give into white racism, be it straight, or the growing white gay racism. And, at the same time, I’m happy to have grew up in the black church as it taught me lessons on how to be a good human and a good man who respects others and stive to be a good man.
The “thug” life that is the norm for so many gays these days is a bad joke malong with the gold teeth that some wear. The funny thing is that most of these “thugs” in the street are more of a queen in bed than a real one.
Giving a kid a whack on the bum, that one I’m torn on, I don’t believe in beating down a kid with an ironing cord or anything, but, one or two whacks with the hand on the butt is what some of these monsters need. I’ve started watching that show Super nanny and to see kids calling their mothers a “b” and slapping them in the face , child, it would take more than a time out to stop that nonsense.
I won’t rant on all you posted, but, good stuff as usual and, let us all revel in being, out, black, gay and proud, my uniqueness by having those three attributes is something I would never change!
Just call me, happy, carefree and gay in the words of the great Carl Bean, that song should be every black gays’s mantra!
I guess I do go on more than I thought I would, but, this is a great post and very thoughtful!
Comment by Jared — November 16, 2009 @ 3:38 pm |
Awww, you were adorable! And terrific heading! There is so much that produces or goes into who were are and so much more into what we may be.
Comment by aSeaNamedSolaris — November 16, 2009 @ 7:27 pm |
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!! I like this and may have to copy it myself.
Comment by Norris — November 17, 2009 @ 5:55 am |
this was a great post, Toddy. Really great
Comment by wondermann — November 17, 2009 @ 7:32 am |
Isn’t that the truth@
Giving a kid a whack on the bum, that one I’m torn on, I don’t believe in beating down a kid with an ironing cord or anything, but, one or two whacks with the hand on the butt is what some of these monsters need. I’ve started watching that show Super nanny and to see kids calling their mothers a “b” and slapping them in the face , child, it would take more than a time out to stop that nonsense.
Comment by flintstone — November 23, 2009 @ 11:08 pm |