Don’t Tell Me I’m short…I already know.

Dear Friends:

If you ever have the privilege of meeting me in person please, please, please don’t tell me, “You really are short!” Look, I am already quite aware of this all too obvious fact. Granted, I don’t really mind when some devastatingly handsome stranger greets me with, “Whassup shawti?”That I can take (and more than likely it will illicit little giggles of glee). But sometimes people just have this insatiable need to remind me that I’m closer to the ground than the average American male. I know you aren’t being rude but…

Check it out…

Today I was in Tarjay (aka Target) and I actually met someone who reads my blog! Oh my god has that totally ever happened to you before? That was a first for me. Anyway, she told me how much she appreciated my stuff. So of course I was grinning from ear to ear(I never thought I would meet an actual reader). Then suddenly she says, “You’re shorter than I thought you’d be!”

Ugh…

Okay, I’m quite sure the comment was just an observation; and we did follow it up with a big friendly hug. Believe me, I won’t try and cut somebody for simply saying “Oh you’re short.” However, having grown up with a Napoleon Complex the size of Gary Coleman, that really did strike a chord with me (just a little). Don’t worry ma’am I’ll not be coming after you with a shank or anything (haha), but I do admit that I’m somewhat sensitive about my height (or lack thereof).

Look, I know I’m vertically challenged. I have accepted my lot in life. This is just the way it is. My dad was 6ft and my mother is 4’11. So I guess it’s just genetics balancing themselves out. However, the shit just wasn’t fair! Yeah, I am still pouting. Just a few more inches and I’d be 5’10! Why mama why? Why didn’t you go on a date with Wilt Chamberlin or something? Woulda gave me a fighting chance! (no offense dad).

Trust me, if you have a short joke I’ve probably heard it already. My favorites were, and still are, “Toddy, you are so short you have to look up to see down.”  Others on my childhood playlist are as follows…

“Toddy, you’re so short you can play tennis with the curb…”

“Toddy, can you say that again? I can’t hear you down there.”

“Are you related to Emmanuel Lewis?”

Oh, they also used to call me the black Lucky Charms Leprechaun. Not to mention the obligatory, “Half pint” and a myriad of homophobic epithets (e.g. little faggot ass midget. This one was rather clever if I do say so myself). My ex-boyfriend used to call me “PeeWee”. It was really cute when we were together. Now, it sorta gets on my nerves. You have no right to refer to me as a cute little pet name when I want to punch you in the shins now. Stop it now I say.

Look, I am not somekind of dwarf by any stretch of the imagination. I’m 5’6 and a HALF (don’t forget that half) inches tall, and when I’m in my shoes I’m almost average adult male height. Yet, because I am under 5’8 I fall into the illustrious category of shortness.

Don’t get it twisted I do love all of my height. As a matter of fact I consider it a blessing from the heavens. There are dwarves that would kill to be as tall as me. As a matter of fact I’m thinking of attending a little person’s convention just to be the tallest person in the room for once.

Anyway…

From the age of 14 to almost 19 I was 5’2 inches tall. I am not kidding. I seriously thought that was going to be my full adult height. I did everything I could to grow. I did yoga poses; hung upside down in the closet (okay, I did not literally hang like a bat…But I did stand on my head. Someone told me that would help); and drank milk to the point where I got sick of it (to this day I drink Soy because milk gives me the trots). NOTHING. I just knew I was fated to shop in the boys section forever and ever.

Then, out of the blue after high school, I shot up like a weed! It was like oneday I was knee high to a duck and the next I could see above the blades of grass in my yard! Oh my god I was so thrilled! I was going to try out for the NBA…as a towel boy or something (Allen Iverson I am not). Anyway, with my new height I really thought I was tall. Yet, short jokes plagued me to no end. I came to the conclusion that I was only tall in comparison to how short I used to be…

Curses, foiled again.

Now, I just think it is sorta funny and cute when I hear short jokes…But redundant. C’mon guys and dolls, stop hatin on us short dudes. We are not small animals. If you kick us do the tops of our heads not swell and bleed (in smaller pools but we bleed nevertheless)? If you insult us do we not cry and wind up floating away in our own tears?

Yes, you maybe able to dunk a basketball. I will concede that. However, at least I can fit into a compact car that gets great gas mileage!

And atleast when I buy shoes they don’t look like a whole other brand (those size elevens and twelves look like moon boots)!

Granted, I love really big and tall men myself…But, at the risk of sounding cliche’, BIG things come in small packages. We short men are the business, recognize!

So, before you make that next short joke and give me a condescending pat on the head please remember that I can give you a hard punch in the gonads before you can say, “What choo talkin bout Willis?!”

Cheers!

Sincerely,

Toddy English.

Unbelieveable: Teenager Burned Alive In an effort to exterminate head lice…

     

             2 hours and 10 minutes ago

EVANSVILLE, Ind. – Police say a teenager who soaked her hair in gasoline to try to kill head lice was severely burned when the gas fumes ignited and set her head ablaze.

Eighteen-year-old Jessica Brooks was in serious condition Thursday at the burn unit at University Hospital in Louisville, Ky. She was burned Sunday night at her apartment in Evansville, Ind.

Police said Brooks was in her bathroom letting her hair soak in gasoline just before a pilot light from a water heater ignited the gas fumes and her hair.

Investigator Richard Howard said Brooks suffered second- and third-degree burns over more than half of her body.

Brooks was taking high school night classes in hopes of graduating this year.

___

 

Information from: Evansville Courier & Press, http://www.courierpress.com

 

Dear Friends:

I have nothing to say except god help the public school system. That was like trying to stop a termite infestation by sticking an Atomic bomb under the house.

Sincerely,

Toddy English

P.S.

I think I am going to start posting more crazy news articles. It is some insane stuff be goin on… Baby Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!

 

 

WWII Essay: A Real Essay…

Dear Friends:

Uhm, I weep for the future generation. This is an actual essay that I found online…

Sincerely,

Dumbfounded.

What Tha F***?!

Dear Friends:

Please tell me why Whoopi Goldberg was dressed like a Madame in a nickel and dime whorehouse on Sunset Boulevard? My God she has no shame. Whoopi should have just stayed at home. The dress looks like it is going to fall off if a draft hits her the wrong way. Now factor in that big ink blot tatoo AND the peekaboo brassiere and the monstrosity is complete.

Whoopi…I crown thee the ugliest girl at the ball.

Why does she NEVER make any attempt at looking feminine and girly anymore? Whoopi, I know you can do it. I was watching back in 1991 when you were awarded for ghost. Now you just look like a…Nevermind, I’ll be nice.  

Anyway, that dress was  unnecessary. I don’t mean to be all catty and bitchy, but that horror ruined that segment of the show for me.

Overall, I did love the idea of previous winners awarding the night’s winners. Nice touch.

But someone rip that dress off and burn it, PLEASE. Arrest the designer too.

Sincerely,

Toddy English.

A Litter of Kiddies?: Is it ethical?

           

Dear Friends:

I watch the news a lot. So far I’ve tried my best to refrain from speaking about Nadaya Suleman aka “Octomom”. However, I’ve found it daunting seeing as she’s in the news, on every show, every single day of the week. You cannot escape it. Octomom is a celebrity.

Octomom herself is indicative of a much larger problem. It seems as though, lately, with the prevelance of IVF (invitro fertilization) treatments, every woman and her mother is giving birth to: quads, quints, sex, and octuplets. It used to be that having twins or triplets was a huge job. Now, these women are birthing two and three families in a single pregnancy.

Me, I don’t want no damn kids. I’ve written about it before and the mere thought of having to deal with one, let alone fourteen, is enough to make me do a flying swan dive off the top of The Empire State building. However, I understand the compulsion for a female to desire birthin babies. The need to reproduce and nurture is natural. But this horrid trend in litters is another issue entirely.

Is it really ethical for one woman to be allowed to have fourteen children? Nadya Suleman is not the only woman that has taken to reproducing armies of children. There is another woman (can’t remember her name), who is married, and-I believe–around twenty children. They are all single birth children. Literally, this woman gives birth every other year. At what point is enough enough? I find nothing “miraculous” (a common adjective used to describe this phenomenon) about this. Women have been giving birth since…forever…It is not a miracle. You just used some drugs that heightened the chances of giving birth, no more no less.

At one point in our history parents did have legions of children simply because all the kids were born with a job (to help on the farm). Not to mention there were really no substantial methods of birth control. However, now, in the 21st century, most people can go their entire lives without children if they choose. We can literally pick and choose how many children we want. With the high cost of living and rearing one child being so great now, why have so many?

Sometimes, I get the feeling that some of these women are extraordinarily selfish. How can you possibly love, nurture, and care for all of those small children at once? One of them–or more–is going to be neglected. Yes, you can make the excuse that family and friends will help. However, let’s be forreal. No one is going to want to help you take care of your brood 24/7. The bulk on the honus will be on the parent. Again, how is that being fair to the kids? And just think about all the money and etc…

If you love children so much why not adopt? Not only are there babies already here but the government will also give you MONEY to take care of them. That should be incentive enough. Why should tax payers have to pay for babies that YOU already made?

With all of this going on I believe there should be some restrictions on IVF treatments. Again, we the tax payers, will have to shoulder the burden of Octomom’s insanity. And the people who will suffer the most are the kids. Not only will they suffer personally but also physically. All of these babies are premature. What will be the long term ramifications for them healthwise? And will the mother be able to care for a child that may grow up to be mentally retarded, autistic, or with some other ailment?

After this should there be psychological treatments for women who want IVF? Should there be restrictions? Personally, I agree with both because these are lives we’re talking about. Not to mention the fact that the Earth is overpopulated as is. Again, there are so many children that need homes and you go and have fourteen?

So, is it ethical to have so many children? Should women who cannot pass a psychological exam be banned from fertility treatments? This woman, and women like her, obviously dwell in a distorted reality. Should we institute a one child per faily law like China?

Sincerely,

Toddy English.

Universal Health Care a reality?

AFP – US President Barack Obama makes a statement from the Diplomatic Room of the White House.(AFP/Jim Watson)

WASHINGTON – President Barack Obama is sending Congress a budget that would boost taxes on the wealthy and slash Medicare to make way for a $634 billion down payment on universal health care.

Obama’s first budget predicts the deficit for this year will soar to a whopping $1.75 trillion, reflecting spending to pull the nation out of recession. The numbers come from administration officials who spoke on condition of anonymity before the budget is publicly unveiled Thursday.

As part of the effort to end the financial crisis, the administration will propose boosting the budget deficit by $250 billion this year. As much as $750 billion more could be spent under the government’s financial rescue program. That would more than double the $700 billion bailout effort.

The spending blueprint Obama is sending Congress is a 140-page outline, with the complete details scheduled to come in mid- to late April, when the new administration sends up the massive budget books that will flesh out the plan.

However, the submission of the bare budget outline was certain to set off fierce debate in Congress over Obama’s spending and tax priorities. The budget document includes additional requests for the current year and Obama’s proposals the 2010 budget year, which begins Oct. 1.

The president wants Congress to extend the $400 annual tax cut due to start showing up in workers’ paychecks in April, and it extends the tax cuts passed in 2001 and 2003 for couples earning less than $250,000 per year. Those tax cuts were due to expire at the end of 2010.

To pay for the middle-class tax relief and the effort to increase health coverage, Obama’s budget makes significant cuts on the rate of growth in other areas of health care and seeks to trim a variety of other government programs, including subsidies earned by farmers with revenue of more than $500,000 a year.

The budget would also seek savings in military weapons purchases. It would raise taxes on wealthy hedge fund managers and corporations, eliminating tax incentives U.S. companies now have to move jobs overseas, something Obama repeatedly mentioned during the presidential campaign.

Even with all the savings, the cost of the $787 billion economic stimulus bill will push the deficit for this year to $1.75 trillion, a level — as a percentage of the economy — not seen since World War II. The deficit is expected to remain around $1 trillion for the next two years before starting to decline to $533 billion in 2013, according to budget projections.

Obama’s plan proposes achieving $634 billion in savings on projected health care spending and diverting those resources to expanding coverage for uninsured Americans. The $634 billion represents a little more than half the money that would be needed to extend health insurance to all of the 48 million Americans now uninsured.

Americans now spend a total of $2.4 trillion a year on health care.

Obama also will ask for an additional $75 billion to cover the costs of wars in Iraq and Afghanistan through September, the end of the current budget year. That would be on top of the $40 billion already appropriated by Congress, the administration official said.

The administration will also ask for $130 billion for Iraq and Afghanistan in 2010 and will budget the costs of operations in Iraq and Afghanistan at $50 billion annually over the next several years.

Obama’s budget proposal would effectively raise income taxes and curb tax deductions on couples making more than $250,000 a year, beginning in 2011. By not extending former President George W. Bush‘s tax cuts for such wealthier filers, Obama would allow the marginal rate on household incomes above $250,000 to rise from 35 percent to 39.6 percent.

The plan also contains a contentious proposal to raise hundreds of billions of dollars by auctioning off permits to exceed carbon emissions caps, which Obama wants to impose on users of fossil fuels to address global warming.

Some of the revenues from the pollution permits would be used to extend the “Making Work Pay” tax credit of $400 for individuals and $800 for couples beyond 2010, as provided in the just-passed economic stimulus bill.

About half of what officials characterized as a $634 billion “down payment” toward health care coverage for every American would come from cuts in Medicare. That is sure to incite battles with doctors, hospitals, health insurance companies and drug manufacturers.

Some of the Medicare savings would come from scaling back payments to private insurance plans that serve older Americans, which many analysts believe to be inflated. Other proposals include charging upper-income beneficiaries a higher premium for Medicare’s prescription drug coverage.

To raise the other half, Obama wants to reduce the rate by which wealthier people can cut their taxes through deductions for mortgage interest, charitable contributions, local taxes and other expenses to 28 cents on the dollar, rather than the 35 cents they can claim now. Even more money would be raised if the top rate reverts to 39.6 percent, as Obama wants.

Sen. Max Baucus, D-Mont., chairman of the Senate Finance Committee, called Obama’s proposal to tax the wealthy to finance health care reform a starting point. But he wants to also examine taxing some of health insurance benefits provided by employers — an idea rejected by Obama in last year’s presidential campaign.

Budget documents provided to The Associated Press show that Obama will not lay out a detailed blueprint for a health care overhaul, but a set of broad policy principles and some specific ideas for how to raise a big chunk of the money.

Obama’s promise to phase out direct payments to farming operations with revenues above $500,000 a year is sure to cause concerns among rural Democrats.

Even after all those difficult choices, cutting about $2 trillion from the budget over 10 years, Obama’s budget still would feature huge deficits.

The $1.75 trillion deficit projected for this year would represent 12.3 percent of the gross domestic product, double the previous post-war record of 6 percent in 1983, when Ronald Reagan was president, and the highest level since the deficit totaled 21.5 percent of GDP in 1945, at the end of World War II.

At $533 billion, the deficit in 2013 will be about 3 percent of the size of the economy, a level that administration officials said would be manageable.

___

Associated Press writers Andrew Taylor, Ricardo Alonso-Zaldivar and Anne Gearan contributed to this report.

I think this is wonderful. Every other first world nation takes care of it’s citizens, why not us? It is sad that our health care industry is more like a business. You cannot, and should not, put a price on people’s lives…Especially when countries like Cuba have healthier people than we do. How this has gone on for so long is unbelieveable.

The Clintons tried it. Maybe the Obamas can succeed?

Rihanna and Chris Brown: Boy, Don’t Be Hittin Them Females!

Dear Friends:

Okay, I’ve held my tongue about the entire Chris Brown/Rihanna melee’ for long enough. One reason is because I was a huge fan of them BOTH (Chris moreso than Rihanna). So, naturally the news left my spirit disturbed as I didn’t want to believe that my ex-husband, Chris Brown, was capable of such a heinous thing.

However, the smoking gun was definitely the gruesome aftermath image of Rihanna (the image I will not be reposting because I prefer to remember Ri-Ri beautiful. And I hope whoever released the photo will be FIRED and sued! Talk about adding insult to injury). The pieces all came together for me then. I knew in my heart of hearts that I could NEVER, under any circumstances, support Chris Brown EVER again.

Look, Rihanna is my girl (I like her almost as much as I do Beyonce. Yo, don’t let Jay Z act a fool with Bey. Oh my goodness I will be on the first plane out with my gym bag and vaseline!) but there is a bigger principle at work here than just her being one of my favorite pop artists. This was the all too common situation of domestic abuse plain and simple (regardless of the two parties being huge stars). What sickens me, and spurred me to write this little ditty, are the attitudes that are emerging as a result of this incident.

Everywhere I go I’m hearing people CASTIGATING Rihanna (the victim) and EXCUSING Chris Brown. The best of it being, “Oh, I have to hear both sides of the story before I draw a conclusion.” The most infuriating aspect of this is that the majority of people defending Chris Brown’s behavior are black women (I say black women because that is the majority of his fanbase). What is all the more repulsive is when random celebs–black celebs–say, “Oh this is so horrible for the two of them.” Uhm, no ma’am. It is horrible for Rihanna! She is the one that was laid up in a hospital bed after being beaten…Not Chris Brown.

Back to the lecture at hand…

My thing is this. The moment the now infamous TMZ picture was released that alleviated the “two sides” of the story excuse for me. We know that Chris Brown opened up a can of whoop ass on Rihanna, no ifs, ands, or butts about it. It’s his word, her word, and that picture. The evidence is bonafide.

Hearkening back to the point, again…

I don’t understand WHY is it so difficult to understand that there is no excuse for abuse? I keep hearing all of these lame ass, meely mouthed, excuses about, “Well, Rihanna MUST have done something to provoke him” or “Oh, she gave him herpes so she DESERVED it” or “Women don’t have any business putting their hands on a man…”

Yes, I have heard every single one of the excuses. Sometimes I have to bite down so hard that my tongue starts bleeding. I’ve had this discussion so many times in the past week or so it’s ridiculous. People just really don’t seem to get it that abuse is WRONG.

Well, I am going to tell you why the excuses are all bullshit and why Chris Brown’s ass need to be in jail.

1.) The herpes accusation - Okay, let’s say for argument’s sake that Ri-Ri did infect Chris with herpes. Let’s just say that the unlikely event actually occurred. I would just like to know who’s fault it is? Is it the infected person’s fault, solely? Should Rihanna have disclosed? What if she didn’t know she had it (note: this is hypothetical. I am not saying that Rihanna has herpes)? Or was it Chris Brown’s dumbass fault for not using a condom? Let’s be honest here for a moment. Some of the honus is on Chris because he should have known better than to just be runnin up in it Raw Dawg if he thought for a second  she was cheatin on him! If anything he should have kicked his own ass for being a damn fool in this situation. You can’t tell by lookin at someone (unless they have canker sores, a nasty discharge, or ring around the booty) if he or she has an STD. That is why you wrap it up!

Granted, I don’t totally blame anyone who catches an STD from someone else. However, at some point you do have to take the blame too if you willingly lie down with someone whilst not using protection. It is always a possibility. Again, wrap it up!

2.) According to police reports Rihanna had: two contusions on her forehead, bruised eyes, a swollen nose, a busted lip, strangulation marks around her neck, and some goddamn BITE MARKS…Do you hear me, BITE MARKS (Instead of herpes Mr. Brown  should have been tested for rabies. What is he a dog?!)!

Okay, I would like to know what Rihanna could have POSSIBLY done to deserve that? The only scenario in which he would have been validated is if she had thrown battery acid in his face. That is when you try and kill somebody. Otherwise, I don’t care what she said or did. I don’t care if she slapped him in the face, called his mother a syphillis ridden nasty whore, and spat on him…He still had no right to put his hands on her.

Now, I could see if, say for instance, same hypothetical scenario–out of anger–he had a reflex reaction and slapped or pushed her on the floor, ONCE. But after the initial shock wore off that should have been the end of it. However, this was a BEATING, plain and simply put. This was a grade A felonious assault that looked like an attempted murder.

What kills me is how, all of a sudden, sweet lil Rihanna has metamorphosed into this angry, superhumanly powerful, amazon warrior woman who bullied poor wittle innocent Chris Brown into beating the hell out of her. Uhm, have you people seen these two before? Well, I’ve been to a Rihanna concert. Onstage and in person she’s–at most–5’6 (minus the heels) and very slender. Now, Chris Brown is 6’2 and weighs like 180 pounds. He is muscular and very athletic looking. Basically, Chris is a BIG dude.

So, I would like to know what kind of damage could Rihanna have POSSIBLY inflicted on him to make him totally flip the script like that? Are you people kidding? That’s like a little mouse punching an elephant.

My thing is that bigger people should NEVER put their hands on smaller people. It just makes you look extremely weak and cowardly. However, I think that it is even more insidious when a male beats up on a female, particularly one so much smaller. I don’t care how much women’s rights and equality there is that is ONE situation where we shall NEVER be equal. Guys, you just don’t hit girls. I don’t care if you are the biggest queeniest flamiest homosexshull in the known universe…You just DON’T do it!

Men have denser/heavier bone structure, more muscle mass, more upper body strength, and lots of testosterone (the chemical that triggers aggression). I don’t care how big a female is most men are going to be naturally stronger than she is. Myself, I am a SHRIMP of a guy. I am 5’6 and weigh 133 (I weighed 140 two weaks ago; however, the flu put me on a crash diet. Been eatin burgers so I should be back to my ideal weight) pounds. Even though I’m small I could still probably win a fight against Queen Latisha or Rosie O’Donnell if I let these knuckle bones get to crack a lackin! The jury is still out on Venus and Serena Williams…but you get my point.

Now, I know Chris Brown is big enough and strong enough to have just hemmed Rihanna up and there would have been no more problem. He could have just palmed her forehead while she swang her short arms and none of this would have occurred. Chris could have totally controlled the situation…

What he did was out of spite and rage. Chris was out for blood and intent on making her suffer. What is even more outrageous is that he KNOWS he is dating one of the most beautiful women in the world. R-Ri is a COVERGIRL (easy breezy beautiful covergirl). She makes her living with her gorgeous face (FYI, I am not saying that it is okay for ugly women to be abused); and he chose to go all upside her head…Then he bit her?! Oh hell no fuck that. I am DONE with Chris Brown.  He disgusts me now. I can never look at his handsome face in the same manner ever again.

I know that Chris Brown grew up witnessing his own mother being abused; however, that still doesn’t excuse his behavior. He should be treated just like he was Chris Brown that worked at Target. He should be in jail. Not out on 50,000 dollars bond. He made his bed and now he needs to lay in it. And for all of you people who are so hot to protect him stop and ask yourselves WHY you feel the way that you do. Why do you all think it is so acceptable for women to be beaten and abused?

Anyway, it could not have been me. The first time some guy EVER got crazy enough to smack me I would have to leave the relationship. And I would not leave because I was scared of him. I would leave for HIS personal safety. I may not get up and start fighting but he would face severe retribution. He would get a three course meal laced with arsenic, cyanide, and shattered bits of glass (crushed into fine grains). So, before I went through with my diabolical plan I would just pack my stuff and leave.

Oooh, I wish somebody WOULD hit me! Oh my god. That’s why it would have never worked between me and Chris Brown.

Stay up Ri-Ri!

Sincerely,

Toddy English.

Sometimes The Flu is Just The Flu…

Dear Friends:

Okay, I am soooo late telling you about my series of unfortunate events; however, as you all know, I was pretty much incapacitated for an entire week.

Well, a friend of mine invited me to this Valentine’s day party for singles…To make a long story SHORT I did NOT meet my future next ex-boyfriend there. Everyone there was either too old for me or holding up the wall.

On top of that I felt myself coming down with the flu that very morning! I’m very aware of everything that goes on with my body. The moment I felt the slightest impurity I was chuggaluggin Ginseng tea in an effort to stave it off. I did manage to hold on, but by the end of the night I was burning up with fever…

However, I did manage to keep it cute and have some fun at the party. Seeing as I was delirious the entire time, ironically, I was the life of the shin dig and thankfully so because all the guys (and butch lesbians) in attendance were acting like they were scared of each other. So, your’s truly was the defacto emcee. I entertained with my Karoake renditions of: Single Ladies, Land of Confusion (by Phil Collins), and Got To Be Real…They enjoyed it and I enjoyed the hell out of it. I think I may be floating around on Youtube because one of them was taping me with his video phone. I don’t really know and don’t care too much though…

Which leads me to the point of this story…

Anyway, I get home(by this time I am FREEZING. I had a serious case of the chills), undress, and then bundle up in my bed (which was to be my permanent position for the next seven days). The next day I had no recollection of anything…So, skip to Monday when my fever is broken and my mom is taking care of me.

Anyway, my mom brings me my food and stuff, encouraging me to eat and get well…Like all mother’s do.

Okay, I’m thinking nothing of this until my mother sits beside me on my bed. Then she looks at me and says, “Toddy, I want to ask you something…”

I just moan, sorta in and out of consciousness, but I’m still cognizant and coherrent…Just tired.

“I am only asking because I love you, and I want you to tell me the truth…” She paused before furthering, “While I was in the hospital did you get into anything that may have made you ill? If so I want you to tell me and we can take care of this together…”

At first I’m thinking she believes I stood too close to somebody. Then it dawned on me that she was probably thinking I might have gotten an STD!

I almost became incensed, because my mom and I have been through this before when I came out. Now, here we go again. “Mama, I have the flu…” I paused, “No, I haven’t gotten into ANYTHING. I know how to use protection…”

So basically at that point I flat out told my mother that I wasn’t a virgin. Bleah…Mmmmmmmmmmkaaaaay, sooooo we literally started having an open conversation about gay sex and venereal diseases. I told my mother that I am a VERY responsible person; and that I’ve been tested for HIV and other diseases and I know my status (negative). Moreover, I let it be known that I haven’t been sexually active in (I’m not even going to go there…And it’s been even longer if you’re talkin good sex!)…

What made me angry is the constant stigma that will follow me, as a gay man, everytime I catch something as benign as a cold. If some manwhore named Bob catches a cold or flu it is just that, a cold or flu. If I get sick then, to some people, I’m automatically at death’s door by virtue of being homosexual in my orientation. Moreover, I’ll be considered as a ho just because…And that is NOT the case at all.

It made me angry not because of the insinuation but because my mother thought I would be that careless and irresponsible. Granted, maybe that is not precisely what she was thinking but I feel as though she should know me better than that by now. To that degree I let it be known that If I was sexually active I would take all the proper precautions to avoid any dire ramifications…

Anyway, It turned out to be a very good discussion…One that I am glad we had. There is so much that she does not know and understand about gay life. I think her insinuation was moreless her way of reaching out to learn more about me and my life. Maybe that is progress?

I think more and more she is seeing that I’m no longer her little boy anymore and now it concerns her. Either way I am just really glad she cares about me to that extent. Plenty of gays don’t have parents that give a damn.

I’d like to say today that when someone, particularly a loved one, makes the honest effort to know YOU (the real you) take sometime to indulge him or her. And for all of you out there who are rampantly promiscous and catch all of these STD’s…You may not care about yourselves; however, there is SOMEBODY out there that does. You may not know it but they do. So use protection and get tested…If you don’t do it for yourself then do it for that special someone that does care. Live and be healthy for them until you can live and be healthy for yourself.

With Love…

Sincerely,

Toddy English.

Suggested Reading: Keep The Faith (A Memoir)

 

Dear Friends:

Last week, while I was down and out in the doldrums of sickness, I had the oppurtunity to read Faith Evans’ memoir “Keeping The Faith.”  This was, surprisingly, a very very good book. I finished it in two days!

For those who don’t know her Faith Evans is a great R&B songstress (who doesn’t get enough credit) that emerged in the mid 1990′s with hits like, “You Used To Love Me” and, my JAM, “Soon as I get home.” Faith was one of the first artists signed to Sean “Puffy” Combs’ label, Bad Boy. As well all know the Bad Boy sound rule the airwaves in the late 1990′s. Not only was Faith Evans considered the “First Lady” of Bad Boy but she was also the wife of the late great emcee The Notorious B.I.G…

The book begins with Faith’s humble beginnings in Newark, New Jersey and ends with the aftermath of the death of her husband. And trust me there is NO filler inbetween! The story is a varitable whose who of prolific R&B/Hip Hop artists from the 1990′s. Moreover, we’re made privy to Biggie’s womanizing ways AND the controversial “Tupac Incident” that started a coastal beef that’s now the stuff of hip hop legend.

Faith pulls no punches in this, forreal. She talks about how Big constantly cheated on her and how she began cheating back. She also talks about the love square between: herself, Big, Charli Baltimore, and Lil Kim.

The funniest part, for me, is when Faith almost got busted for attempting to buy weed. She walked into a local bodega (that was really a front for selling drugs) that was, at the moment, being raided by cops. The excuse she used was, “Officer I don’t know what’s going on! I’m just in here trying to pay my rent!” (lol).

I have so much respect for Faith after this book.

Anyway, give this one a read. I honestly thought it was better than Biggie’s bipoic, “Notorious.”

The Gay Olympics (The Oscars)!

Dear Friends:

This Sunday I have a date with a dude named Oscar!

I live for this weekend. I prepare for this weekend every year! The only two events I’m anticipating more are: Terminator Salvation and my impending graduation (in Octobor).

Oscar night is literally like Christmas in February for me. I’ve been watching them since… well… hell I don’t really know. However, Oscar preparation is a tradition in my house!  How some guys prepare for the Superbowl is the way I prepare for The Academy Awards. Granted, I don’t care if anyone shows up and dirties my crib though…I just have my pop corn bags, Hawaiin Punch cans, and all of my little accouturements and I’m set! I am so elated…teeheehee…

Yeah, in the past I’ve found myself dissappointed by various Oscar decisions…

Gwyneth Paltrow beating out Cate Blanchett in 1998 (ugh, can you honestly say Gwyneth as Viola was better than Cate as Queen Elizabeth?) was a travesty…

Angela Bassett not being the first black woman to win Best Actress, SHAMEFUL…

Angela Bassett being beat out by Holly Hunter (who gave a ONE note performance in “The Piano”)…

Halle Berry winning for Monster’s Ball (::groan::) AND being the first black woman (before Bassett) to win best actress?!

Denzel Washington not winning for: Malcolm X, The Hurricane, and Remember The Damn Titans, but getting one for Training Day?!

Yeah, I could go on and on about the miscarraiges of Academy justice; however, there has been more to love than hate. Yeah I only really scope the major categories (Best actor/actress/supporting actor/actress/best director/best picture), But the pomp and circumstance is great too. The musical performances are bonus, especially since Beyonce is going to be in the house. I love the monologues and peaks at movie history. Oh, and the red carpet is what I live for. I have to see what all them divas are gonna be wearin yo! And most important of all I just love the celebration of great cinema. I love movies and this night is a movie buff’s wild wet dream!

I’ve always loved the movies because for two (or three) hours I am transported into another realm without ever leaving the safety of my seat. For two hours I can suspend disbelief and believe in what otherwise might be impossible in my three dimensional reality. I revere the creators and writers of film because they have brought SO MUCH joy into my life.

Long live the Oscars!

My picks this year are definitely…

Best Supporting Actor: Heath Ledger

Best  Actor: Sean Penn (although it will probably be Mickey Rourke or Frank Langella)

Best Supporting Actress:  Marisa Tomei or Kate Winslet.

Best Actress: Viola Davis (probably won’t win but I thought she was excellent, as was Taraji P. Henson.) or Penelope Cruz…

Aight I hope ya’ll enjoy them too!

Hooray for Hollywood!

Sincerely,

Toddy English