Dear Friends:
Last night I rented a movie called “Cover” starring Aunjanue Ellis, Vivica the Fox, and a slew of African American actors that have a difficult time getting work in Hollywood (due to the prevelence of singers and rappers migrating to film now). The movie was produced and directed by Bill Duke (that guy from Predator that kept saying, “Imma have me some fun…Imma have me some fun…” before he gets killed). Anyway, I’ll just cut right to the chase and expound upon what I learned from Cover about the down Low.
This movie was so educational…
1.) Down Low guys have really cheesy pick up lines – I can’t speak for anyone else but the line, “You look like you have something in your eye…can I blow it out for you,” works like spanish fly for me…::eye roll::
2.) Pay close attention to strange, disheveled, and transient women in your church group because, more than likely, they know the whereabouts of your cheating down low husband…
3.) Women married to gay men have strange cataclysmic nervous breakdowns (and end up committing suicide) simply because they can’t reconfigure their hubby’s sexual orientation…(hmmm, that might explain Star Jones).
4.) When your husband is cheating on you don’t hire a private investigator…Get your Best Friend Forever to do the job. She’ll even take investigative photos that look professional…
5.) You can beat the living hell out of your son, in a police station, and no one will give a damn.
6.) When a woman and her husband are going through D.L. drama she doesn’t have time to comb her child’s hair…
7.) When a woman and her husband are perfectly happy she still doesn’t have time to comb her child’s hair…
8.) Down Low men often: confess their love for each other (in public); reveal their HIV positive status (in public); go on dates (In public); and call each other derogatory gay epithets where everyone can see them (i.e. in public).
9.) Women’s church groups will lovingly embrace hyper effeminate gay men as one of their own…inspite of the fact that he is a MAN in a WOMAN’S prayer group.
10.) It’s okay for your son to screw around with every scandalous woman in Philadelphia; however, cheating with another man is considered a detriment to his strong and unified marraige (thus leading to a police station beat down that no one pays attention to…refer back to number five).
Hmmmm Uhm….
Okay, where do I begin? Uhm, this movie was a MESS. It wasn’t just a mess it was a complete and utter slice of HAM (Hot Ass Mess). I can’t believe this one even got the greenlight. Granted, I’ll give it up for Aunjanue Ellis. Inspite of a bad script she is a wonderful actress. And, I understand that a sistah needed to buy some groceries and get her hair did (likewise with Vivica Fox) But, Bill Duke, c’mon now? What in the hell is up with this yo?
Not only was this film a sensationalistic peek at the phenomenon known as “The Down Low” (oooooooh…::eye roll::) but it was low on drama and heavy on the camp. I found myself laughing throughout the entire film. This was such a wasted oppurtunity. I thought, “Finally, maybe this is a serious dramatic piece about the toll the DL can have on a marraige…” Instead, all I got was that DL men are lascivious vectors for HIV waiting to infect hapless “innocent” black women.
Gimme a break…
Alright, I was being really facetious with my top ten; however, My questions are as follows…
1.) Since when do Down Low Men wear pink and mauve and call each other homophobic epithets in the streets? Granted, I’m not ascribing clothing choices to the gays; however, it just struck me peculiar. Furthermore, “The air is dusty. You look like something’s in your eye. You want me to blow it out for you?” is soooo ridiculous in terms of pick up lines. I’ve had cats come at me with some corny lines before but I would just laugh if someone said that to me. Anyway, I always thought the whole point of the Down Low was being incognito (or incognegro if you will)? With that type of behavior you’ll be busted all the time…I believe. Maybe someone on the DL can educated my ignorant out self.
2.) Leon’s character was so preposterous. Again, he’s supposed to be DL yet he blows up the spot in a restauraunt, confronts a married man he’s cheating with, and tells him he’s in love with him (and that he has HIV)? Add to the fact that the Leon character is supposed to be a famous singer. Uhm, that kind of defeats the entire purpose of the DL playboy…That scene was supposed to be serious but came off as comical.
3.) Uhm, the church gurl got on my damn nerves. To me the inclusion of this character showcased Bill Duke’s own homophobia. Why did the one openly gay man become a regular in a women’s church group (with a bunch of homophobic old bats)? Then don’t even get me started on how he became the stereotypical hetero friendly queeny sidekick as the movie progressed. That character was so badly done that I cringed. And did he really have to resort to ”eeeewww” when he was debating possible sex with a woman? It came off as: childish, insipid, stupid, and contrite. This character served no other purpose but to categorize gay men…Basically, flaming “sissies” are safe and the “DL” guys are Satan incarnate. Okay, gotcha…
To sum the movie up…
This was nothing more than a JL King novel on celluloid (or whatever they’re using to make film now). As I stated earlier It was more sensationalism of the Down Low (I get so sick and tired of this only being attributed to black gay men. Many black gay men are out. And many white gays are on the low…Like in 
Brokeback Mountain), bottom line. It will only reiterate the irrational fears that many black women already have about the gay male community. Furthermore, the story also took away all the responsibility from women by turning all the female leads into patron saints of chastity and virtue (gag me with a chainsaw).
Sorry Bill Duke…But I wager that 95% of women who marry now are NOT virgins on their wedding night. If they are more than likely they are (A.) married at age 18 or (B.) unattractive…Which really isn’t an excuse. All an ugly girl has to do is get a guy goin off some Patron and he’s her’s for the night.
The only thing I liked about COVER was Razaaq Adoti, the lead actor…He is BEAUTIFUL!
I give this one two thumbs down LOW (get it? haha).
Sincerely,
Toddy English.
Fem Traits and Tendencies In Men: Why does anyone care?
Dear Friends:
I have a question for you. Why do feminine traits and tendencies within the male species bother people so much? I’m not even speaking about the highly flamboyant lads (e.g. the chaps who live their lives emulating female runway models) either. I’m speaking of the regular bloke who might have a: rolling “s” sound when he speaks; a slight pep in his step and a glide in the stride; or animated hand gestures. It seems as though femininity, even in the smallest increments, draw the ire of straight and gay men alike, particularly those of the “masculine” variety.
Recently, I went on another date. I didn’t tell anyone about it because I’m not all caught up in pursuing a new boyfriend. After my string of bad dates I figure, “meh, screw it…When it happens it’ll happen”. Yet, I am not one to pass up a potentially fun night out…Sooooo…
I met someone on a more reputable website this time. Well, he saw my profile and said he thought I was really cute. So he told me he would e-mail me his picture. He did. I was smitten. He looked just like Michael Jordan ::Toddy bites his index finger:: I’m not kidding. He was bald and had a very nice smile. Plus, he was the hue of bitter sweet chocolate (Toddy has a weakness for the chocolatey ones). Not to mention he was really tall (bonus).
Anyway, to make a long story short, we went on a date. It went swimmingly (so I thought); however, he didn’t call me back. So, I called him the next day. That is when he told me, “Look man I think you are a handsome cat but we wouldn’t be compatible…You are not masculine enough for me.”
Dead air. Blank stare.
I was stunned. That really did leave me speechless.
So I basically grilled him. He saw all of my pictures and talked to me on the phone for a week and suddenly I’m not “masculine” enough for him?
He went onto say that in his profession (he told me he worked for law enforcement. I guess he was a cop) he couldn’t afford to let people know that he’s gay. Therefore, if he hung out with me they would suspect something and he could lose his job. But, check this, he said he didn’t mind us being, “homeboys with privileges.” I told him that was NOT what I was seeking and hung up in his face.
Well, I did manage to have a fun time on the date (he paid for everything too). So, that was the one redemptive thing about it.
But I kept thinking about that whole, “not masculine enough” spiel. Look, I admit that I’m no Navy Seal. If I had to categorize myself I’d be the quintessential Metrosexual (like Ryan Seacrest), not a brazen fem nor a hyper masculine brotha…Just in the middle (the proverbial happy medium). I dress like a man with stylish flair. I moisturize and exfoliate. And when I get really comfortable in a conversation my wrists have a tendency to sway like broken palm trees. Yeah, I admit it. I have masculine and feminine qualities…And that is just fine with me. I’m really comfortable with myself.
Growing up, however, I used to try and minimize every ounce of visible “gayness” that people perceived. But it was to no avail. No matter how I butched up people always thought I was gay. So I just said, “to hell with it…I’ll have an easier time just being myself.”
Really though…
Why does it bother people so much? What is so utterly repulsive about any deviation from the “norms” of masculinity?
To me I think it all goes back to internalized homophobia. In my opinion those that are disgusted by the show of “softness” and “fem” traits only put the spotlight on their own insecurities.
Of course that is just my oh so humble opinion.
I don’t get it. We, as gays and lesbians, cry out for equality and acceptance…Yet, we won’t accept each other for who we are.
Sincerely,
Toddy English.