To My Friends, With love…Sincerely, Toddy English

September 30, 2008

The Aaliyah Blog Is Up…

Filed under: Entertainment and Random Celeb stuff, Healing, Stuff — toddyenglish @ 6:59 pm

Dear Fans of Aaliyah:

I have completed creation of my Aaliyah memorial blog. Now, you are welcome to spread the word to everyone you know. The Blog title is called “Beautiful Bright Angel” and it is located here: http://beautifulbrightangel.wordpress.com/

So far I have several pictures and videos up with more to come…

Babygirl left behind so much. So this blog will always be a work in progress. So if you have anything to contribute please do so. And share your thoughts and memories about the legendary Aaliyah.

This blog is for everyone still going through the healing process of losing Aaliyah. Let’s honor her memory and not fixate upon her death.

Cheers!

Sincerely,

Toddy English.

My Theme Song: I Got A Crush On Obama…

Filed under: Humor, Stuff — toddyenglish @ 6:49 pm

Dear Friends:

With the Presidential election approaching I felt it appropriate to express how much I love Barack Obama. So just imagine me singing this song in place of the chick with the great hair.

::Toddy sings::

I got a cruuuush on Obama!

I Can See!

Filed under: Stuff — toddyenglish @ 5:07 pm

Dear Friends:

I have lights again.

::Toddy starts doing vogue poses::

Now I can catch up on The View, Oprah, Heroes, The Office, and my home work. Now I can FINALLY see the end of “Before Sunset” too.

The moral of this story is…Harrass and berate (call them names if you have to) city employees. That is the only way ANYTHING will be accomplished.

Whew, now I can iron my clothes. Wrinkled jeans are so uncouth.

Sincerely,

Toddy English.

P.S.

Hopefully, KHOU Defenders doesn’t respond to my e-mail and try and get me on the 6 o’clock news!

The Word of The Day: Juxtapose

Filed under: Word of The Day — toddyenglish @ 4:40 pm

jux·ta·pose –verb (used with object), -posed, -pos·ing.

To place close together or side by side, esp. for comparison or contrast.

September 29, 2008

The Word of The Day: Conciliate

Filed under: Word of The Day — toddyenglish @ 8:19 pm

con·cil·i·ate

  1. To overcome the distrust or animosity of; appease.
  2. To regain or try to regain (friendship or goodwill) by pleasant behavior.
  3. To make or attempt to make compatible

Three Weeks And Counting: Still In The Dark

Filed under: Rants and Raves — toddyenglish @ 8:17 pm

Dear Friends:

As I type this I am STILL in the dark (going on three weeks). Presently, I am forced to use the computers on my job to blog and attend class.

Everyone, I implore you to NOT believe the hype about the oh so fabulous job the city of Houston, Texas has been doing to get it’s resident’s lives back to “normal”. The response has been absolutely horrendous. Actually, it has been worse than horrendous. The job has been shoddy and incompetent at best. This is the 4th largest city in the United States of America; home of NASA; and one of the energy capitals of the world, yet, as we speak, 249 of us (at last count) are STILL lighting candles and using flashlights.

At this point I often wonder will I recoil from the light when it comes back on (like a vampire fleeing from daylight)! I am so used to the darkness now that I don’t even have reflex reactions to flick a light switch anymore.

The hurricane itself was not that bad in hindsight. It is the aftermath that’s abysmal! Finally, today, I’ve conceded that I need to make my life as normal as possible in spite of this because the imbeciles at Center Point Energy could care one iota about my quality of life, in spite of my paying them a bill every single month (heh, the bright side is that I won’t owe them shit this billing cycle). Yeah, they can’t get your power back on within a month; but if you are late a day on a payment some bumbling buffoon will turn your lights off within five seconds.

Yes, your boy has grown quite accustomed to: canned ravioli, green beans, red beans, sweet peas, canned fruit, and gatorade! I swear if I don’t see another can of Ravioli in my LIFE it won’t be too soon…Hell, if I eat another one I am going to turn into fuggin Chef Boy Ardee.

Now, whenever someone tells me that they have lights in their house I literally want to commit felonious assault upon their person.  Fortunately, I am pretty pacifistic and that won’t be happening anytime soon. Be that as it may this whole thing has been FUBARed(F__ked Up Beyond Any Recognition) from the jump. I try to be positive; however, it is getting difficult. I hate going home every night because I am sick of lighting candles, forreal.

This has made me want to relocate to another city as well. Well, I am going to do that anyway, but now sooner than later. Yes, I know that every city has it’s own set of problems but I would rather cope with blizzards and tremors than deal with hurricanes in this city. Again, it isn’t the natural disaster that is bad it is the bureaucratic B.S. you have to deal with. Moreover, I would personally prefer a city where you don’t need a car (an urban cluster if you will). I would rather ride a subway than have to drive 100 miles just to get to a local corner store(or run back and forth from house to house to avoid sweating while I sleep)…

Maybe if all of our mayors were less concerned about transforming Houston’s downtown district (where no one lives and everyone works) into a tourist attraction and MORE concerned with making sure that ALL of it’s denizens technology was up to code MAYBE such a fiasco could be avoided? Or here is a novel concept…When you know your customers are going to be in the dark for damn near a month MAYBE you (looking at Centerpoint Energy) should be kind enough to provide generators! Oh wait, when you have a monopoly on every phoneline in the county you really don’t have to do shit until you are good and ready, right? Must be really nice to know you have us all under your thumb!

Don’t be surprised if they find something on Centerpoint like they did Enron. The excuses their employees (who all talk like their eating their faces) give range from insanity to complete and utter lunacy. The latest is that fallen tree limbs are the reason they can’t fix my neighborhood. There are NO fallen tree limbs in my neighborhood as the city has already collected them… 

Alright, I am done hatin on my city for the day. For what it’s worth H-Town is a great place to live. But this situation sucks, forreal.

But before I go it would not be like me to NOT have learned something from this. What I’ve gathered from this experience is to always try your best and when you’ve done all you can just sit and be still…The rest will take care of itself. I’ve done everything, including throwing a series of bitch fits, now I am going to rest in the knowledge that eventually the lights WILL return. And once they do I will be so much more grateful for the luxuries they provide. To that end I really am grateful for this experience. Think about that next time you’re going through something that you believe is so horrible…In the end it will be worth it. ::smile::

Anyway, I am thankful that we fared better than Galvestonians. Galvestonians I salute you. Peace be unto you.

With Love,

Sincerely…

Toddy English

September 27, 2008

The Raccoon: A Haiku Poem (and a story)

Filed under: Humor, My Poetry, Stuff — toddyenglish @ 4:15 pm
The Raccoon By Toddy English (c) 2006  
The thunder crashed. My house shook.
The rain never ceased; so I chose to read a book.
So loud was the racket that I never divined
the masked little bandit, the raccoon, fleetly
hijacking everything that was mine.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Friends:

The above poem, a haiku, was written nearly three years ago (coincidentally during a rainstorm). However, the incident that occurred, inside my house one week ago, made this poem apropos.

Well, one night I managed to get some sleep (in spite of the humidity that made my bedroom feel like a sauna), a huge feat for me during this time of tumult and upheaval. The next thing I know my mother is rap tap tapping upon my bedroom door. I open my door, mad, and inquire, “What is the matter?”

“Toddy, I think somebody is in the kitchen!” she whispered.

I automatically tense up, “Forreal?!”

“Yes, I heard all of these noises.”

By then I’m in a near state of panic. Because all I can think about is getting out the house and calling the cops. I am not trying to get into it with NOBODY. There had been no reports of looters in our immediate area. But there are drug dealers in the vicinity…And where they are there are desperate crack heads who steal anything that isn’t nailed down. So with that I picked up my pepper spray and a rake (I could find my switch blade). My mom stayed behind and went to her room to get the phone…

So, I’m on my way to the kitchen and sure enough there were A LOT of noises. All the dishes and everything were being thrown about. Suddenly, my cat comes out of nowhere (that’s Ash) and follows alongside me, hissing and spitting (like he is really gonna do something). Anyway, At this point I have a flashlight too and when I round the corner I turn the light on and jumped back at least 50 feet…

People, the biggest Raccoon I have EVER seen before IN MY LIFE (granted I’ve never seen any raccoons in person before) was sitting on the countertop; eating out of a jar of Reese’s Peanut butter, chillin. I was shining the light on him and he just looked at me and went right back to what he was doing. The little beast had destroyed the entire kitchen looking for that damn peanut butter…So me I know not to mess with a Raccoon. They kill dogs and cats. The first thing I did was drop my stuff, grab Ash, and lock him in his bedroom (yes, my cat has his own room). Then I ran back and told my mom to dial 911 to get animal control!

I ran back to the kitchen, grabbed the rake, and turned the flashlight on. The Raccoon was still there. I just wanted to keep him under visual control because if he got loose there would be NO stopping him. I swear he looked like a bear dressed like a Raccoon! I did not know they got that big. Apparently, we had left the patio doors open just for ventilation. So the Raccoon apparently took it as carte blanche to do some shopping? I don’t know…Anyway, I tried to scare him off by beating the rake on the cabinet door…

Suddenly, that little bastard made this blood curdling “clicking” noise and bore his teeth at me! It sounded like a cross between a growl and a loud click. I quickly backed away because it scared the holy hell out of me.

Anyway, animal control showed up about ten minutes later and I kid you not TWO people had to wrestle that son of a gun down. The Raccoon was a male and he weighed 50 POUNDS! I didn’t know they even got that big! I always thought they were these cute little dog like creatures…

Well, that was the strangest thing that happened to me during hurricane Ike.

I still love Raccoons. They are so cute. Just don’t eat all the peanut butter.

Regards to the Raccoons,

With Love…

Sincerely,

Toddy English

The Word Of The Day: Epigram

Filed under: Word of The Day — toddyenglish @ 2:14 pm

1.

any witty, ingenious, or pointed saying tersely expressed.

2.

epigrammatic expression: Oscar Wilde had a genius for epigram.

3.

a short, often satirical poem dealing concisely with a single subject and usually ending with a witty or ingenious turn of thought.

 

Use Epigram in a sentence today!

September 26, 2008

Will Tyler Perry Be Next?

Filed under: Entertainment and Random Celeb stuff, Humor, Stuff — toddyenglish @ 6:44 pm

Dear Friends:

Okay, so my mom and I stayed over at my oldest brother’s house during the storm. Long story short we had family dinner with some relatives (my nieces, who are actually older than me…don’t ask) oneday. Well, my sister-in-law brings up Tyler Perry’s latest film, “The Family The Preys” as a conversation piece. According to my sister-in-law Tyler is on his way to becoming a billionaire due to his endeavors (no comment. I hate all of his movies…except the first two). Sis In Law starts going on about how good looking he is and starts telling her daughter, my niece, that she should try and marry him…

::awkward silence from me::

I’m sitting there looking at both of them wondering if they were joking. Much to my surprise they were really quite serious! My niece added that she wanted to marry Tyler Perry and wondered if he was single. My sis in law said he was dating Oprah.

You know your boy had to laugh outright at that…

Then my mom leans over to me and says, “Wait, isn’t Tyler Perry gay?”

I chuckled and nodded my headed. Me and my mom both laughed at our deluded relatives. It was literally an inside joke between us. The irony is that my mother is a woman in her 60’s with better gaydar than two substantially younger women! unbelievable…

Granted, it is all totally speculation on my part…Uhm, but Ms. Tyler be givin me serious G-Waves, for real. I mean you can just see it all over her…UHM him! And don’t get me started on “Madea’s Family Reunion”. Chile, Ms. Perry had a BEVY of male beauties in that one: Henry Simmons, Boris Kodjoe, Blair Underwood, and not to mention all the obligatory shirtless man candy during the basketball scene (that he himself made sure to be apart of mmmmmhmmmmm). Tyler is doing what I WOULD do if I were a film director. And don’t get me started on how all of the characters look as though they stepped out of a soap opera.

Look, I am not saying anything definitively…But I am 99.9% sure that Tyler is going to do a Clay Aiken later on in his career. That’s all I’m sayin…

Regards,

Toddy English

Toddy Takes Manhattan!

Filed under: Stuff — toddyenglish @ 4:40 pm

 

I’ve decided that I want to take a vacation to Manhattan, New York. I’ve never been but I am so in love with the city! After that I want to go to London. But this summer I’m going to try Manhattan. If not this summer then during the Holidays. But damn it I am going…

Sincerely,

Toddy English

Next Page »

Blog at WordPress.com.