Dear Friends:
Many people can’t find my address anywhere. So I am sticky noting it to the front page…
E-Mail: ToddyBoyJones@yahoo.com
Cheers!
Sincerely,
ToddyEnglish
July 30, 2008
December 3, 2009
Beyonce Is Magic!
Dear Friends:
I believe that Beyonce Giselle Knowles is a witch. I’m almost convinced she has latent magical powers. I have never been so completely enthralled by an entertainer (besides Michael Jackson) in my twenty some odd years on this planet. When “Check up on it, “ “Irreplacable,” or “Upgrade U” come on the radio I literally have to sit in my car and sing along until they fade out. When a Beyonce video comes on I have to stop what I’m doing. Beyonce is a witch because she has completely bewitched me.
Back in the day, for me, it was all about Aaliyah (still love her). That was until Destiny’s child broke onto the scene. I got hip to Destiny’s child because one of my cousins was best friends with a former group member. The first single, “Bills, Bills, Bills” was hot. I loved the vocals, particularly those sung by the lead girl. When I saw the video that’s when it happened. There was just something about the lead singer that enamored me. No, it was not because she was lightskinned (like some people love to speculate). In every group there is always that single memory that has that sparkle, that thing that makes you stop and take notice…
Now, over ten years later, the rest of the world apparently noticed it too.
Honey, I love everything about Beyonce, y’hear me? With the exception of Carmen (the hip hopera) there is nothing she has put out that I don’t atleast like. Whether she’s: singing, dancing, acting, wearing princess inspired costumes and etc Bey is just a regular Jill of all trades! Now she’s got a new perfume line coming out Hell, Beyonce’s no longer just a singer. She’s a brand!
Back in the day I used to goto ALL (ALL of them) of the Destiny’s Child concerts. Whenever they came to town (either for a tour or the rodeo) me and my friends would break our piggy banks to see a show. Now, I loved all of Destiny’s Child but–like I said earlier–it was just something about that girl in the middle with the honey blonde hair. When Beyonce is onstage she gives mad PERFORMANCE! The combination of rhythmic dancing and singing, all while in six inch stillettos, entrances me. While Kelly and Michelle were (and still are) very talented having them alongside Beyonce was equivalent to expecting a candle to outshine a supernova. It can’t be done. It was inevitable (and prudent) that Beyonce go solo…
Of course she took her lumps from the haters (as all lead singers do when a group falls apart)…
A lot of her critics gleefully ridicule her because of the fallout that occurred during the Destiny’s Child break-up (likening her family to somekind of cult). Beyonce drew comparisons to Diana Ross for being too ambitious and engendered severe scrutiny for every bit of irrelevant minutae (if Michelle Williams didn’t vocalize enough in an interview it was alleged Bey was holding her at gun point, an extreme analogy if you will). While I know that no one in the music industry is without blight nor blemish I never believed the rumors about Mrs. Knowles-Carter (this is a woman that literally dotes on her fans). What impressed me most was how she never came back at her former group members in the media. Instead she and the remaining group members forged ahead. Everybody thought DC was gonna fall apart after Latavia, Letoya, and Farrah split. But Beyonce was like, “You think we done? I’ll show you…”
The Survivor album took off and Destiny’s Child was reborn. Due to the fact that all three of the remaining members were great singers DC’s sound only improved! “Survivor” and “Destiny Fulfilled” (in my opinion) were DC’s two best albums. The girls were at their best vocally, especially Beyonce.
Between those two albums Beyonce recorded “Dangerously In Love” and after that it was NEVER the same. Beyonce showed everybody what she was capable of. All the naysayers found out that this woman wasn’t goin anywhere anytime soon. Now, eight years later, with the release of her third solo album I Am…Sasha Fierce (which has sold like a bazillion copies world wide and spawned a dance sensation) Beyonce sits atop her lofty perch as the gold standard that EVERY up and coming pop princess aspires too. Beyonce is now a legend in her own time and she’s just on the first leg of her career.
Many gay men have a “diva” that they identify with and hold close to their hearts. I guess Beyonce is mine; however, my love doesn’t stem from some need to live vicariously through her (like some of her more super hero gay fans). Beyonce just makes me extremely happy! It’s as simple as that. When I hear a Beyonce song or see a Beyonce video my spirit soars. She’s infectious. I couldn’t NOT like her even if I wanted to! Beyonce is the complete entertainment package from her: soulful mezzo soprano (she has one of the BEST voices); her wild and sexy dance moves (reminiscent of a young Tina Turner); the legs; the hair; clothes; and all of the pretty colors (I love the pomp and circumstance of Beyonce). Beyonce just GIVES IT TO YOU! In this decade she is the only STAR that is truly larger than life. As a matter of fact I believe Beyonce is the last of her kind in that regard. Every new girl in town (i.e. Ciara, Rihanna, and etc al) either tries to mimic Beyonce or distance herself completely from the mold she’s created. Beyonce is an original. Right now no one else compares to her(sorry Janet, Whitney, and Mariah. Ya’ll had your time. It is all about Beyonce now).
What I also love about Bey’s music is the message of empowerment. In addition she reflects so many different moods in her work (the mark of a multifaceted performer). She can be vulnerable (The Broken Hearted Girl, If I were a boy, and Ava Maria), Powerful (Irreplaceable and Survivor), Fun (Ego, Video phone, and Upgrade U) and sexy (Kitty Cat, Work it out, Naughty Girl). The many facets of this single performer are simply astounding.
Yes, I am an unapologetic fan of Beyonce’s. Some people try to pretend like they’re too cool for school but I’ll not fake any fronts. The next time she comes to my city ya’ll will see this crazy ass little dude in the front row just wildin out like there is no tomorrow!
With Love…
Sincerely,
Toddy English.
I’ve Been Glamberted (Adam Lambert’s Debut)!
Dear Friends:
I loved him on American Idol but now I’m an official Adam Lambert groupie. Last week I went on a CD binge. I copped the new: Beyonce (the I Am Yours concert DVD set), Lady Gaga, Rihanna (don’t sleep on this one. Rated R is really good), Everything Alanis Morissette (love her), and Adam Lambert’s debut CD “For Your Entertainment.”
Given how talented Mr. Lambert is I knew this CD would be fabulous, even if it is produced by the shlubbs who created American Idol. Needless to say “For your Entertainment” does not dissappoint. If you’re a Lambert diehard (or just a pop/rock junkie…I fall under both categories) then you’ll be into this. I love practically every song on the CD. My favorite songs from the album are: Music Again, For Your Entertainment (This one grew on me), What do you want from me (really good power ballad), Fever, and Sure Fire Winners (This should be the next single). So far the former are the songs that I have on repeat.
Overall, I would say this album is a really good start. Lambert is mad talented and can wail right along with any diva (finally a male singer that can really SING. Moreover, the pomp and circumstance (i.e. the hair, make up, clothes, and over the top performances) that Adam Lambert brings is everything that I relish in an entertainer.
This guy is the next big thing. Love him.
For Your Entertainment gets a B+
P.S.
That album cover is so GAY it’s WONDERFUL! (lol)
A Beautiful Dream (Letting Go)
Dear Friends:
Last night I had quite a lovely dream. It was in regards to my 2nd oldest brother.
Now, for those who may not know E (my brother’s initial) I wrote about him in my coming out story “Requiem, Rebirth, and Redemption (My Years of living Dangerously).” During that tumultuous period E was the ring leader in the dangerous circus that had become my life. I’ve not seen nor spoken to E in nearly five years. Yet, the looming spectre of his presence was akin to a virulent form of cancer that had eaten away at my soul. How one person could be so cruel and callous baffled me. Soon, I became filled with rancor for him. Thankfully, I saw it for what it was and removed it from my being.
Nevertheless, inspite of all the time that has passed, E came to me in a dream (quite vividly so). Normally, when I dream about my brothers they are nightmares (especially when it comes to my brother D); however, this one was quite the opposite. In the dream E approached me and–with the most pitiable look on his face–said, “Toddy, I am so sorry. I’m sorry about everything.” To my surprise I looked at him and smiled, “I forgive you.” Just like that. It never occurred to me to give it a second thought. Then we hugged for a really longtime (which was odd because I’ve never hugged E a day in my life). Just like that it was over. I didn’t sleep too good after that but it was that good “I can’t believe that just happened” feeling.
Upon starting my day I felt free, as if a burden had been lifted. That’s when it dawned on me that I’d let my brothers go (M, E, and D). I do not want a reconciliation with any of them. The mere possibility of a relationship has been completely cast aside. They are not people who I want in my orbit in any capacity. Yet, I can rest in the fact that I’m not carrying any animosity towards them. Their hold is broken over me.
I love my brothers. Now, I love them enough to truly let go.
With Love…
Sincerely,
Toddy English.
Tiger Woods: Why you never cheat on someone with viking lineage…
Dear Charles Barkley and Michael Jordan:
Please take Tiger’s I-Phone from him. Next time he might not be so lucky.
With Love…
Sincerely,
Toddy English.
December 2, 2009
Loathsome Technological Upgrades (Terminator Salvation DVD Release Sucks)
Dear Warner Brothers Studios:
I was looking forward to the DVD release of Terminator: Salvation. Needless to say the one I purchased from Best Buy was completely FUBAR (Fucked Up Beyond Any Recognition). I know you’re trying to force the general public into buying Blu-Ray, but issuing a completely barebones DVD (I’m talking barren like Joan Crawford’s post humous womb) without even so much as a “Behind the scenes” was just tacky and low class. My happy moment was sullied when all I found was nothing but movie trailers and the theatrical version (I was hoping to see the director’s cut) of the film.
Yes, I know that Blu-Ray DVD is steadily proliferating throughout the masses. However, I still have no intention of doing another technology upgrade (new features be damned). It is too costly and too time consuming. Back in the day when my mother was buying all of my stuff that was cool. Now, I have bills to pay. Damn a Blu-Ray. Once there is one upgrade another one comes along just as quickly (That’s the ultimate reason why I haven’t played a video game since the mid 1990’s). I’m tired of it. I’m tired of having to repurchase my movies to fit the new format. No more. Presently, I have two DVD machines in my house. When they go then that will be all she wrote.
Warner Brothers (and every other movie studio) you will not make another dime off me. Now, excuse me while I go watch my shitty Terminator Salvation DVD.
Sincerely,
Toddy English.
P.S.
I just gave you and your studio the big middle finger.
December 1, 2009
Sistahs, There Is No Black Man Shortage (And if There is Gay Men are NOT the reason!)
Dear Friends:
Today in Newsweek (my favorite magazine) I happened upon an article regarding Disney’s upcoming fairy tale “The Princess and The Frog.” Before scribing what could possibly be my most controversial post I’d like to preface this with an excerpt by writer Allison Samuels…
For what seems like forever, I have waited for The Princess and the Frog. This is the first Disney animated film about an African-American princess, and this delightful fairy tale couldn’t come at a better time, what with the two little African-American princesses who live in the White House. The newest Disney royal is named Tiana, and she’s a young woman with pools for eyes, a figure straight out of a fashion magazine, and a big dream. Tiana wants to own a restaurant—she makes a mean beignet—but she’s so busy working to save money for it that she barely notices when a prince comes to her corner of 1920s New Orleans. Like every Disney prince, Naveen seems completely unattainable, though for reasons that have less to do with his station or his dreamy French accent than with our own, more modern concerns. Prince Naveen has a tannish complexion, but he clearly isn’t African-American. My fear is that for many in the black community, the fairy tale may just end right there.
Since the 1960s, marriages between black men and white women have been steadily increasing—14 percent of all black men are now married outside the race. Yet only 4 percent of black women do the same. Why? Black women, for better or worse, have always seemed to maintain a loyalty to the ideal of the black family unit. That’s understandable, even noble, but it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense when so many black men don’t feel the same way. Combined with the disturbing number of black men in prison, that means 47 percent of all African-American women today never marry. With those numbers, I say it’s time for many black women to start thinking, and acting, like Tiana. (Article continued below…)…
Y’know, I am so sick and tired of this “Woe is me I’m a black woman and I can’t find a good black man” pity party. First of all I can’t believe that anyone had the ability to transform a Disney movie into a political agenda; however, Ms. Samuels certainly did whilst continuously illiciting the sad sack erroneous cliche’ that…
A.) There is a black male shortage.
B.) That black men are unfaithful to the black community.
C.) White Women are taking all the good black men.
Alright, let me just say it (because you know I will). The entire article was a wreaking piece of bullshit. Myself, interracial romance is A okay. It is difficult enough trying to find someone who is right for you, so why limit your options to just one? Granted, I prefer a big black man but–as I’ve said before–I like cute white bois too. Its all about keeping my options open.
My issue with this latest “poor lonely dejected black women” meandering are the poppy cocky assertions, often bandied about by African American women (Ms. Samuels is just regurgitating what I see on everyone of those lame-O “Black In America” specials produced by CNN), that are turned into bogus feature films (Something New) and become the subject of every sensationalistic talk show and magazine.
Okay, first of all the Frog Princess takes place in Louisiana’s legendary French quarter. So, who is to say that Princess Tiana is even dating interracially, technically? The Prince character is Creole (African, Indian, and French). So, really there is nothing controversial in that. This is 1920’s Louisiana. That was common. That is STILL common. So stop acting as though Tiana is telling little black girls that they can’t have a “Black” Prince charming just because YOU (Ms. Samuels) are having a hard time getting a date! On the real I’m sorta dissappointed that the story didn’t take place in ancient Africa, but I understand that primarily African American girls are going to see this sooooo….
But that isn’t even the crux of this post. Hearkening back to the REAL topic (that piggy backs off the proverbial blame game)…
I am so tired of African American women blaming gay African American men for them not having a man. In the 1990’s it was white women (and none black women in general) stealing all of the good eligible black men. Now, since J.L. King penned the salacious and sensationalistic “Down Low” book we’ve landed smack dab in the African American woman’s crosshairs. I’ve talked about this issue before but only in passing (this article just gave me a good excuse as this rivalry between Black women and black gay men is never touched). It’s really sad and hurtful how gay black men are now the new “white women.” (not that there is anything wrong with being a white woman. White female readers don’t be offended)
Going back to the movie “Something New.” For those who’ve not seen it the movie stars Sanaa Lathan as an upwardly mobile, snobby, and beautiful black debutante who is having a difficult time finding an eligible bachelor (a black bachelor to be precise. Oh did I mention that she’s a hella snob?). Well, one night she and her road dawgs (girlfriends) are out on the town, kickin it, when they get into the discussion that (can’t remember the exact stats so I’m gonna lift it from Samuel’s article) 47% of black women have never been married. So, the sistahs go about giving the reasons…
Reason one was the prison brotha…
Reason two was the brotha with the white woman (sooooo 1995)…
Then, the camera pans the room to the swishy hipped gay brotha who catches their eye, ROLLS his (I’m talkin seriously throwin shade), and sashays off like he Naomi Campbell. I started to turn off the damn movie; however, it was on my Netflix and blase, blase, blase…
Alright, I don’t know about any of you but I’m not in the habit of stealing boyfriends from other gays let alone women. I have no designs on a DL man with a wife (even though such men have made passes at me and I’m not DL). As a matter of fact the majority of gay men are not these lascivious sluts who have nothing else better to do than break up a “happy” (if he is creeping with another man there are BIGGER issues) home. Yet, some of these women have this visceral disdain for gay men. They literally see us as sexual competition (when we actually are not). I’ve actually overheard women discussing anal sex with their husbands and boyfriends. More and more women are allowing their man to go back door. Why? It is speculated that they want to keep him from getting it from another guy (ladies, that won’t stop him if he wants another guy). It seems like the fear that gay men are waiting around to snatch their men is very real. So much so that we spark their ire in any given situation…
Case In Point…
Once, me and a friend were out at the mall–in the food court–minding our own damn business. Alright, Freddy (my friend) and I are not queens but, when we are together, we can get really animated and just queen the hell out. Anyway, this gang of females took the table beside us and OH HONEY they was mumbling about how we were “two little punks,” and “which one is the man and which is the woman” (even though we’re both OBVIOUSLY dudes). “Girl they probably on the DL…” (Which led me to believe that these women have no CLUE about the down low) Now, I’m usually not into confrontation but uhm we hurled a few choice words that rhymed with “witch” (along with some other insults. It went back and forth for a minute) and kept it moving…
Now, I know that not all black women are hellafied ghetto hoodrats but I couldn’t get over the amount of vitriol they had for us. Yeah, they were obviously homophobic but it was odd how they (with plenty of open tables) came to sit next to us. It was like they hated us and just had to let us know it. In addition, combined with all of the general fears that many black women have about not finding a black man (or any man) it has led me to believe that many of their greatest insecurities reside within themselves. It has nothing to do with: gays, white women, and prison. These girls are just hella insecure and scapegoat anything and everyone before looking at the woman in the mirror.
Yeah, maybe 14% of black men are married outside of the race, but what about the other 86%? Moreover, if 47% of black women have never been married then is it not a stretch to say that 53% have? Since when has it become popular for an entire category of people to continually reduce themselves down to a bleak statistic? Look, as a young, gay, black man if I had to combine ALL of the statistics and strikes against me then I may as well commit to a suicide pact right now.
The moral of this story is…
My black sistahs I am NOT your enemy. I like other gay men. I want someone who truly wants me and not some married DL brotha that needs a cum dumpster every now and again. I’m searching for Prince Charming too, but I don’t want YOUR’S. Now, if your’s wants ME then I’m sorry to tell you (again) that you NEVER had him to begin with. Yes, you can compete with a white woman because, aside from color, you are still women. However, you can’t compete with me, another man. If the man wants another man then you should learn your own worth and decide that you deserve a man that loves you body and soul.
Let’s stop the blame game. Yes, get out there and date interracially if you will just stop blaming the black man for all of your ills and misery. Afterall, the first lady of the United States snagged herself a good black man, in spite of the statistics. Lastly, instead of always searching (hoping, wishing, and praying) for the black man with a damn seven figure income how about dating the H.S. teacher that makes 40 grand a year? Atleast he’s smart and has a job with benefits!
With Love…
Sincerely,
Toddy English.
November 30, 2009
Taylor Lautner (Count Down To February): Future Gorgeous Guy Spotlight
Dear Friends:
Taylor Lautner is going to be 18 (legal) in February. So I’ll wait until then to shine the spotlight on him. Honey, if I did it now I would feel like a total PERVERT. He’s young enough to be my little brother!
Toddy English.
November 28, 2009
This would have NEVER happened To Dubya (White House Gala Crashers)
Dear Friends:
In case you haven’t heard two looney toons (The Salahi’s) crashed a prestigious affair, an annual White House gala (The ultimate VIP place to be). They may have thought it was hilarious but as far as I’m concerned both her and her fuddy duddy lookin husband need to be locked up. Y’know, the blatant disrespect levied against THIS President is no longer shocking to me. It is just outright apalling. This has probably NEVER happened to a sitting President in recent history. YET, it happens to our first BLACK President (who has recieved 400% more death threats than any other President in History). If I were involved in the investigation I would find out if any of the Secret Service agents had any ties to the KKK or any other white power militia movements, seriously. According to the news media these peoples names were NOT on the invitation list. Moreover, they were double checked and still unverified. So, why in the hell were they allowed into the party where they hob knobbed with: Joe Biden (the second in command to the President), Rahm Emmanuel, and various other heads of state (who basically run the damn country)? These people could have been ANY type of crazy person with shoe bombs or something…Yet, they were able to get in? And adding insult to injury they were ANNOUNCED (much like a shiek or something)? Oh my god I know there are too many crazy extremists who were probably waiting for an oppurtunity to get that close (They shook Mr. Obama’s hand. Imagine if one of them was a crazy tea bagger with a fork?). I’m sorry but heads need to ROLL over this. If this were 15th century England King Henry the 8th would have COLLECTED their heads. Fortunately, we no longer exercise justice with a guillotine’ however, all parties involved should be punished. This was inexcusable…I don’t care how cute Mrs. Salahi’s dress was. It makes me wonder if the first family is in fact SAFE? I’m not religious but I’m actually going to pray for the Obama family.
Sincerely,
Toddy English.
Elen Woods Vs. Chris Brown (Double Standard)
Dear Friends:
I have a question…
When Chris Brown tried to murder Rihanna we were appalled (well some of us. 80% of African-Americans–particularly women–believe that Rihanna deserved to be beaten) and rightfully so.
Yet, when Elen Woods went after her husband (Tiger Woods) with a nine iron golf club America laughed.
Granted, I know that 90% of all domestic violence cases involve the man beating the hell out of his wife or girlfriend. Men are generally bigger, stronger, and capable of inflicting more damage on a female than vice versa. Furthermore, even if–in 10% of the cases–the woman is the aggressor the guy, unless the woman is packing a nine millimeter, can usually control the situation. So, it’s really no comparison when it comes to domestic violence. It’s usually some brutish ogre torturing his defenseless wife or girlfriend.
Yet and still that does not excuse Elen for going all Valkyrie on Tiger, not at all. Elen’s act of violence was excused due to the fact that she is viewed as “weaker” than her pro-athlete husband. I’m willing to bet that the incident will probably be parodied on SNL (a show that should have gone off twenty years ago) this weekend.
We’re a bunch of hypocrites when it comes to the issue of domestic violence. Violence against women = Heinous. Violence against men = Comedy. What kind of message does this send, especially since teen dating violence is now common place? Furthermore, how does this hypocrisy impact the gay community?
Gay domestic violence is quite common as well. Sadly, it is not taken seriously because…
1.) They’re gay (so right there is a strike for any homophobe on the police force who gets the call)
2.) It’s two men (or women). People erroneously believe that simply because it’s two men they can defend themselves against one another. Well, what if one partner is significantly smaller and weaker than the other (who just happens to be perpetuating the violence)? Then what?
Some men like to say, “Oh, if my man hit me we would be fighting!” Yeah, use
all that bravado if you want to but for some people it is not that simple. If someone even acted like they were going to smack me in a relationship I’d be out the door and never look back. Why do I need to fight somebody that is supposed to love and support me? It might be hard to leave but I’d assess the situation in 3rd person and do what’s best for myself.
Violence is unacceptable. Both parties should keep their hands to themselves, end of story.
Tiger won’t file charges on Elen. He just wants his squeaky clean image back. He’ll buy her diamonds, million dollar shopping sprees, and a new Bently and she’ll go back to being his trophy queen (doesn’t take much to placate a gold digger…Look at Vanessa Lane Bryant). Elen don’t give a damn and neither should we.
Sincerely,
Toddy English.